I am aware that there are a number of women, particularly younger women, who would like to get married, not be going through a series of hook-ups. keep their conscience clear and stay firm in the faith. And it is the duty of their fathers to teach these women — including getting them to observe what other women do — so they understand the dance in the barnyard, and can develop girl game.
Some people are fairly instinctual at these things. I have a short label for them: psychopaths. Most of us have a certain degree of shyness and inhibition, and that is normal and natural. We do not want to become manipulators of people by habit.
But we do need to be able to know when it is happening, and be able to defend our turf. Many in the manosphere talk about men lifting their game, but the same issue applies to girls. They are being trained not to look, and this causes many godly women to worry.
I still believe the ease with which a young woman can secure a husband is over stated, and the difficulty we have found is magnified when she is 1) committed to her faith and the chastity and 2) has an engaged and involved father.
We should be clear here that these parents have done nothing wrong. They have raised a Christian girl who is intelligent and serious. She wants to keep her chastity. And she has a Daddy who knows how to scare the cads away. In a normal society, all these things are good. Being told, however, that you are princess, a child of the king, and you deserve only the best, is bad for any young Christian woman. Part of this may be selfish — I am raising two nerd boys.
In a Zombie society, she’s not part of the living dead, and therefore she is shunned.
Well, some time ago I exhumed a post from Alte on how to go about getting a husband. The original is linked and well worth reading.
But this takes practice. It’s like many social skills: the way to learn it is to do it. In a controlled setting. The trouble is finding such settings. The formal dance scene used to be good — but I stopped going to Ceroc dances when single because the male players were sniffing around and I found their manipulations nauseating. The zombies rot everything. And this means that things become boring and stale and not at all exciting, as Auntie Haley points out.
That said, flirting does often lead to confusion. People have a hard time distinguishing mere flirting from genuine interest – I have a hard time with this, because most of the time, flirting falls under the umbrella of plausible deniability. Someone could flirt with you, but you’re not sure if you should flirt back in reciprocation of implied interest, because maybe that person was just being friendly and doesn’t actually have any interest in you. OR you choose not to flirt back because you’re afraid that if you do, that person will get the wrong impression and think you’re more interested than you are. So, I get why Christian advice tends to discourage flirting – there’s often too much broken-hearted and confused collateral damage involved.
Still, all of this adds up to a bunch of Christian singles awkwardly trying to show interest in each other without flirting and instead trying to be direct and “intentional.” And that sounds about as exciting as brushing your teeth.
Well, yeah. But limited flirting is a social pleasure. Getting the person serving coffee to smile, or discussing the footy with the bartender — it’s social lubrication. No touching, no intent, no deep and meaningful eye contact — used to work. still does work if you are confident and have charm, but the young person starting to try these games is making baby steps and will be clumsy.
And the stakes are higher now. The boys are scared of nuclear rejection (inevitable) or complaints of harassment (common). And the girls wonder why everyone is walking around on eggshells.
The trouble is that it is boring. So what to do?
Well firstly ignore the mainstream media and their self esteem. Their attitude is well described by LenaS
Then again, if women were really treated as equals rather than pandered to, you’d soon find out who could hack it, and the number would be extremely small. Mostly they get the kid glove treatment and then think themselves equal. Often all it takes is for one man to refuse to pander to them and they’ll blow up their blogs in a tantrum.
As I said before, this society is dying, and being part of it will make you dead. The trick is to ignore them and manage yourself. There are some worthy goals and examples.
When it comes to fashion, the Crunchy diva Alte is no longer with us, but Traditional Christianity is. Hearthie has a blog on this I stay away from. But most of you have a friend who does fashion — I am unfortunate enough to have a mother and sister who do this (the daughter once had my sis hiss at her “Let your grandmother do this. She’s enjoying it”.) and learn from them how to dress nicely. If in doubt, go to that UMC british couple from hell, for even then you can mine the MSM for some truth.
(Fair warning, this video is painful and graphic. But… they did teach the daughter because although her mother and aunt are fashionistas, she lives in Canada and the family there… are not. Nor are the shop assistants. I once had to get a dress to attend a wedding for the ex (who was a complete anti-fashionista) and she was put in black. When I have to think like my Mum and Sis and find things you know the situation is dire).
Basic girl game, Brit style. (Actually polite Brit style, they aren’t swearing on TV).
Now, the next thing is to actually make it obvious to a boy that you like him. Most of us are not players. We want to know you like us and then we will ask you out.
Finally, when you find a man who is godly, and thinks you are neat don’t dally. You are shopping for a husband, one and done. Get ready for Dalrock’s interview, and marry him.