Now for some advice, of the salty kind.

Young man, marry well and within the church. For life. Do not get divorce. Was talking about gray divorce with my Mum yesterday and she reminded me of the financial cost of mine: I could have bought an investment property for what I paid the lawyers.

But don’t take a loan. Find a beach, shorts, jandals and a preacher[1]. Or a white dress and a church. Have a barbeque afterwards. Save the money for the house or a decent holiday. The idea that it takes a year to plan and pay for a wedding is a nonsense. Traditionally, the wedding cost little and the gifts allowed a family to be established, knowing that the woman would soon be a mother, and money would be going on nappies.

However, Do not live with your girlfriend. Regardless of how hot she is, how much you want her, and how sensible she is at running things. Because that will count as a marriage.

For cohabitation is now accounted as marriage because of “equality” and so the family court can ruin more lives.

Jandals. Useful word.

Lending purists advise people borrow to buy assets like homes and, if necessary cars, but to avoid what is loosely termed “consumer” debt, which is debt for stuff that does not hold its value, or isn’t necessary for daily life. Sometimes the line between necessary and not necessary blurs, such as whether to have a tooth pulled, or pay to have it crowned.The line isn’t blurred for fancy weddings.

They are a luxury, though cultural expectations can be extremely strong for parts of the community.

Borrowing to have a wedding is clearly an example of a happy couple spending money they do not have.

If someone is set on a wedding loan, they should seek the cheapest one possible. Tapping up the parents for an interest-free loan is clearly a better option than going to GEM Finance, for example, providing it is properly documented.
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Even if family won’t come to the party there are many lenders out there, including peer-to-peer lender Harmoney, so shopping around for the lowest rate is clearly sensible. Keep an eye on the contract terms as well. Some lenders have very high penalty interest and penalty charges. This needs to be factored into your loan default planning.

When taking on debt, a person needs to think about what they would do if they hit trouble. Loan insurance can help cover this risk, but effectively raises the cost ot borrowing.

Those borrowing to fund a wedding must be disciplined enough not to get giddy with the money at their disposal. Adding an extra $100 here and there for just the right roses, or an extra $1000 for the wedding dress quickly adds up.

Fortunately, we live in a very permissive society these days, so fewer people are trapped into an expensive wedding.

The old traditions can be dispensed with should they not suit your life, beliefs or budget. You are free to wed in a church in a white dress or tails and top hat, at the temple dressed like a Maharaja, or in shorts and jandals at the beach.

You can impose an expensive Island wedding on your mates, or do it in the back garden, or you can just not bother, and let time and our Civil Union laws “marry” you by default.

Civil Unions are compulsory. It matters not a whit, in the eyes of NZ law, if you are straight or gay. You will be dragged in. So, if you don’t trust her, and have doubts, do not let her move in. Do not move into her house. Take counsel in your doubts and stay single.

If however, she is sensible and head over heels in love with you and you trust her, then be a man of God. Marry her. For life. And keep the family court well away from your family. Because they want in.

And cohabitation is destructive not merely to your soul. It puts your honour, live and fortune at risk of separation for cash and prizes: for in marriage sometimes it is vows, not the feelings, that keep you going.

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1. This is not a hint to my jandal loving girlfriend.