I was looking, late in the evening, and in some discomfort (The crossfit games are on. I had completed workout 16.1. Even at my duffer level, I think I did something approaching 100 lunges — a skill I have just developed — 40 burpees and 36 pullups. I was somewhat sore. That was around 120 reps scaled: the best scaled scores are in the 300s). I found a Rossetti poem and did not use it. For he considered romantic love as greater than that which is to come in heaven.
Many of our poets and song makers are Victorian. They see romance and love as the highest and best good. The older clerics and church said, no. It is to worry about being holy in body and spirit. There is a beauty in purity, and Christ should be enough.
From the fixt lull of Heaven, she saw
Time, like a pulse, shake fierce
Through all the worlds. Her gaze still strove,
In that steep gulf, to pierce
The swarm; and then she spoke, as when
The stars sang in their spheres.‘I wish that he were come to me,
For he will come,’ she said.
‘Have I not pray’d in solemn Heaven?
On earth, has he not pray’d?
Are not two prayers a perfect strength?
And shall I feel afraid?‘When round his head the aureole clings,
And he is clothed in white,
I’ll take his hand, and go with him
To the deep wells of light,
And we will step down as to a stream
And bathe there in God’s sight.‘We two will stand beside that shrine,
Occult, withheld, untrod,
Whose lamps tremble continually
With prayer sent up to God;
And where each need, reveal’d, expects
Its patient period.
For the married man should try to please his wife. It is not a great effort. It generally makes you happier. But… there is trouble in this time: women have more health problems, earlier, as a result of child-bearing and anatomy and physiology. Men start breaking down around the time women go through menopause. If you date, you will worry. If you marry and have children, you will worry indeed. There is one more thing to note in the introduction: the young man is to act to please the LORD and build up the church, the young woman is to be. I think this affects priorities: the man should be building things up as a priority but still be holy, and though the woman can and often to act, their priority is to be fit for betrothal and marriage or for the LORD. The parallel with courting is obvious: the criteria men and women have in choosing spouses is reflected here.
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
(1 Corinthians 7:32-40 ESV)
I would not claim, like Paul, to have the spirit of God. He had apostolic authority. In this fallen time, if you are not head over heels in love with your man, woman: you want him to the point of pain, do not marry. This time is lukewarm and everything must be politically correct. God hates the lukewarm. Be passionate — but if you are passionate, marry, so the passion finds its proper course.
But if you are the female version of Spock (and I know women who are like this) and passion is frightening or unknown, marry not. Be holy in the LORD. The godly single can do much good.
FOr in this time, the temptation of Damozel remains. SHe was in heaven, in the choir, blessed, saved, and wanted… more. She wanted to have for herself alone Christ: who as God, is for all. Or she pined for the lover she had not. Not realizing there are greater things to come.
This life will end for us all. But it is not the end.