Alyssa B. slated a gamer on Gizmondo. Freememe is slating her.

I have been aware of the background of Alyssa Brezniak and her Gizmondo post. The learned Badger summarizes this quite well.

It seems a brouhaha has erupted across the Internets concerning one Alyssa Bereznak, an intern (until this week) at technology blog Gizmodo, and her date with Jon Finkel whom she met on OkCupid. Finkel revealed he had a thing for the card game Magic: The Gathering. Upon returning from the date, she googled Finkel and found that he didn’t just play Magic – he was a patriarch of the game, a former world champion with his own Wikipedia page.

Here’s where it gets weird. Sufficiently turned off by this revelation (keep in mind this woman works at a technology blog), she decided instead of saying uncle to go on a second date with the man, apparently with the aim of collecting further information she could use for the snarky Gizmodo post she vomited to the world Monday. She asked him pointed questions about his continued involvement in Magic, as if he were a recalcitrant heroin user. She tried to re-frame the situation as one in which he had failed to be sufficiently forthcoming about his, er, habit in his online dating profile, calling it a “must-disclose” trait akin to one’s status as a divorcee or single parent.

The only thing I agree with is that it is important for single parents to discuss fairly early on that they are raising kids solo. In my case, not an issue — I’m quite proud of my boys and in real life talk about them. I don’t talk about this blog.

As an aside. Alyssa, you have managed to alienate most men who are intelligent to read Gizmondo: these men are generally high status as they can afford to buy toys. And you got mocked — those were the more printable photos at FreeMeme. Just remember that pain is there to tell us to stop doing something…

I have multiple strikes against me. I’m now an old geezer — 50th last year. I’m fairly serious about Christianity, which means that Badgers advice to run multiple partners (pump and dump) is not on. But my paranoid button is pushed… One of the comments in Haley’s described men my age (the geezers):

The main difference is that respectable Church Geezers actively refuse to be attracted to young women, reminding themselves that (a) young single women at church could (theoretically) be their daughters or granddaughters, and (b) their wives deserve their libidinal respect, while Pervy Church Geezers treat Sunday morning greeting time as a three-minute Mardi Gras:  a time when all of the normal rules of conduct don’t apply, and they get to hug and squeeze young women without prejudice under the guise of church family friendliness.

Then one of the commentators, cattily added to the list what she called “Uberbeta divorced 40ish man“.  Thank you very much.  The church pool is just as full of entitled special snowflakes.

The issues I have are not as much about remarriage. I accept the Reformed position, which allows for the same. My problems are more practical.

1. I have a high status job in my society. If I go out and see people, it gets around town. The town is small, and the Christian part of the town smaller still.
2. Whomever I go out with better be a positive influence on the boys.
3. I’m not dead yet. Like all men, at times my attraction to others can over ride my good judgement. And (since the boys live with me) this can damage them.
4. I have no wish to go through another divorce, and in NZ living together is treated as marriage. I have friends who are going through just as painful a separation experience as I am from the divorce and they did not marry.
5. I have to deal with the feminist coven in the University, who interpret all relationships in terms of power — particularly if you are white, male and professional. It is safer not to date anyone but someone my age and status. The problem is that the sane women who are my age and status are either married or living long term with their partner.

This, together with a pile of “dates” with people who are so like Alyssa, means that I’m agreeing with Amelia:

So, Alyssa Bereznak, I’d like to thank you. You’ve opened my eyes to just how demoralizing online dating can be for women and men but not simply because “there’s no snapshot in the world that can account for our snap judgments.” No, it sucks because there are people out there (ahem, like you) who make snap judgments and actively allow them to take precedence over a person’s qualities that cannot be conveyed in the time it takes to snap your fingers (or write a poorly argued blog post). And that you think you are right to do so, that those shallow judgments come naturally, are not the least bit interested in overcoming them or even thinking more deeply about them, and that you would pen an entire essay, using someone’s full name, because you actually think people would laugh along with you and pat you on the back for your “honesty.” Sorry, chick, ain’t gonna happen.

Sorry Ladies, in real life I’ll probably come off as cold and suspicious. Paranoid, even. I’m trying to work out if it is worthwhile letting my self censorship down and being honest. Because most of the time… it will blow-back. On me. On my career. Being guarded helps.

The only advice I can offer, Ladies, comes from Chels, whom I have disagreed with in the past, but she has some wisdom here. Men are not perfect. I’m not looking for perfect. But the female, driven search for the best is driving away the good.