Had a phone call from a shipping agency a while ago. Got a parcel (of stuff) from (someone) that magically got over the $370 threshold for duty. Being delivered, so they needed me to authorise payment for GST and fees (with more GST) and duty.

$130. Gak. Nothing I can do about this but pay for it.

But this is minor. Dalrock’s post (which I linked to yesterday, but today I read more comments — documents in the comments the laws around the family court in the USA are biased against men.  Now, some people (well Jezebel and the feminist harpies) think this is great:

There’s another “if/then” dynamic at play in this debate over single motherhood. As the authors of Promises I Can Keep write, if — and it’s a huge “if” — society wants to encourage more women to get hitched before having children, “then the only course for those who want to promote marriage is to try improving the quality of male partners in the pool.”

Men don’t need to be “improved” because they’ve gotten demonstrably worse; rather, the standards for what makes a man marriage material have grown exponentially higher, even in the eyes of young moms struggling to stay above the poverty line. In that light, rising rates of single motherhood reflect undeniable progress for women.

But a quiet librarian observes something else.

John’s story made me very angry. Theft is theft; we should all feel outraged for him. And to lose your kids – that has to be the heaviest hurt. My first instinct is to repeat Flavia’s advice, but perhaps he has other things holding him here.

My cub scout den has 12 second-grade boys; only 7 are from intact families. The pack is sponsored by a Catholic school. Obviously, neither the middle class nor the Catholic Church has done a great job of holding the line on divorce and single motherhood. A couple of these boys are in situations that are far from ideal; I worry for them, but cannot do much. Their mothers made some very selfish choices, a pattern that looks to continue.

Now, I could get snarky here. It is very easy. But instead let’s just lay down some simple old teachings.

1. Marriage is about children. It is thus, not about the wedding (fun for the girl), the associated  parties (fun for the guy) the sex (fun for both). It is about raising children, and that is not fun. It is bloody hard work. The times that you are not exhausted, tired, and frazzled and can talk to each other when the kids are small are few and preciously cherished. Sex is one of those things that keep you together — bot only one.
2. You damage children when you divorce. They don’t grow. They regress. You do the best you can, and work for their best interest, and pray that the damage is minimised. (Yes. I am divorced. Yes, I am a solo Dad, and I’m told by others I’m reasonable at it. But all my children have been damaged by separation and divorce. And I have to live with those consequences.
3. The elite lie. They state that having a degree is a sign of success, not a sign of debt. As the Captain points out, it is not the degree, but the major that counts. Men may not have a BA after their name… but they may have a trade. Because in the end, it is called work for a reason. So measuring success by the number of letters after your name is a fool’s game. Ask instead if you are at peace, your family is fed, and if your children are doing well.
4. You will not trade up. If you leave, you will not find a man (or woman) of the same value, simply because you are now a decade older and have baggage. Which is the second error that the single mom’s make: most men don’t want to raise the other bastard’s children, and most men look carefully at divorced women thinking “If she left him, she will probably leave me”. In addition, you are no longer at the peak of your beauty. (He is not either, but he knows that ).   Now, I know exceptions. But even then, the emotional cost to those women is huge — and most of the exceptions I know were left by their husbands… and their new partner knows that she was the one not at fault. But the odds of you finding the man from the romance novels is quite low.  Many decent men know the odds — and are choosing not to re-engage with western women, particularly American women.

Men are simple. Be nice. Take care of some of their needs — and tell them yours. Do not assume they read minds (they don’t) or understand exactly why this works or that does not (they definitely don’t). Men are not your Best Friend of the Female persuasion.

The good news is that men do not want you to be their drinking buddy — they want you to be a girl.  Only the most brainwashed products of second-rate universities consider men and women interchangeable.  If you choose to marry a man, accept him, don’t try to neuter him. For if you succeed, you will not like the results.

They do not preach that their God will rouse them a
  little before the nuts work loose.
They do not teach that His Pity allows them to drop
  their job when they dam'-well choose.
As in the thronged and the lighted ways, so in the dark
  and the desert they stand,
Wary and watchful all their days that their brethren's
  day may be long in the land.
                          Sons of Martha, Rudyard Kipling.

One of the facts of this life is that if one makes a resolution or a vow — even on minor things — the temptation to break it is great. Trivial stuff. I generally only buy Lattes from the coffee shop because they last longer in meetings than short blacks — but since I’ve decided to put that money into charity for this season suddenly I have coffee fantasies. And the imp of the reformed says that I am but a closet papist.

It is the same with more serious things. Try to live righteously, and you fail. But in the spirit. But we are accountable for our actions.

Ezekiel 18: 25-32