I am divorced. I hate divorce. I hate the industry that has been made around divorce. To those of you who are married and havign difficulties, listen to the epxerience of those of us who have been through the living hell which is the family courts.

Having a divorce will hurt. Financially, emotionally, spiritually. It will hurt your children. It will abrade your faith. It is not a spiritually empowering experience. Being single… costs. You will be alone. You will radiate damage, and all the sane singles will walk away.

Now, over time, and by the grace of God, you can be healed. But before we consider remarriage, or what to do, we need to talk about the basics. The older women are commanded to teach younger women how to love their children and husbands. Not how to be resentful, how to regret that they are in the kitchen with two toddlers, and not to reward women for kicking their husband out, or tell her to do so. It is illuminating that Paul says this is not his command, but the command of Christ. Because many within the church, then and now, want to strip this teaching of validity.

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men. So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.

(1 Corinthians 7:10-24 ESV)

Now, we are taught things that do not work. They build up resentment. Within the world, women are told that it is not their fault: it is the curse of the patriarchy. Their guilt lies with the other. Yes, this is standard Marxism, but it has an effect. People lose moral agency. THey stop being sensible. They start thinking that there is no risk — where there is risk (Being a volunteer in a refugee camp) and see risk where there is very little (at present, the university campus).

Because the world worships self-esteem people are not allowed to fail and challenge. And we seek this — one of the reasons that extreme sports, rugby and crossfit are popular where I live is simply because people need to test themselves and win or lose. You can learn from loss, and it is better to develop that when you are a child on a rugby field than when you are an adult and your wife walks out, and you are blamed and shunned.

Within the conservative branches of the church the same neoMarxist thought puts on a cassock and becomes the idea that, if a husband is holy and righteous then all will be well and if he is not and the marriage blows up or he gets sacked he did not pray enough. Again, women are robbed of their moral agency. And this is a vile heresy: it is not the teaching of the gospels, where Christ converted men and women, and it is not the witness of the myriad of female martyrs and saints.

But it does eat away at marriages, and we teach that which implodes things.

Chandler is making light of the fact that this is supposed to be a sermon about women’s temptation to sin. Even the Serpent would high five Chandler for the brilliant tactic of setting the couple up for a fight on the drive home from church. I don’t see how this could have been accomplished any better.

Leaving aside what this does to the husbands in the congregation, marriage as an institution, and the children who will grow up in a home filled with strife because of what Chandler is teaching, consider how cruel this is to the wives themselves. All of the constant whispering to women (from all angles) is a source of great torment. No doubt some of the women watching the sermon have figured out how to fight this temptation. For such a woman, here is her pastor explaining that her efforts to combat this sin aren’t real; her husband can take the credit for her ability to overcome this temptation. It is even worse for a woman who struggles more with this temptation, as her pastor is telling her that her temptation to feel resentment has been her husband’s fault all along!

What can we do? We can obey Scripture, and use knowledge.

1. We can stop thinking that women are the better half because of their spirituality or their lack of overt lust. Instead we can talk about temptations being different for men and women: men go for the young and cute, women for the cute and powerful
2. We need to be explicit in our teaching to men about keeping our desires to our wives, and our pants zipped up elsewhere, because of the issues of the enemy seeking scandal. We should be discussing and witnessing with the world in pairs for that reason, and chaperoning our young people. Because we will lust, and if allowed, we will err. (I know this is very difficult: I have two boys on the campus, and it is a minefield for young men and a place of pain and loneliness for many young women)
3. We can teach and discipline the divorced. To begin with, they should not lead. I sit in the pews for that reason.
4. We can encourage reconciliation and repentance. In this fallen time, when many have had their marriages turn into shards, we need to talk about times of singleness, and teach what the older divines said on divorce: the Westminster confession allows such for a unrepentent apostate abandonment of one’s spouse (this reflects today’s text) and adultery, and says that one must consider the ex spouse as beyond the grave: dead. And then, as if a widow or widower, choose celibacy or remarriage. It is worth noting that the Roman advice on abuse — to separate for a period — is more scriptural than the modern advice that it is a reason for divorce, and the Westminster confession warnds that we should make more reasons for divorce by case-law or rationalisation. And the separated should reconcile
5. We should encourage those of us widowed, or widowers, while young and still burning, to remarry.
6. And we need, finally, to be honest. We are not angels. For most of us, the desire to physically love exists: But let us not confuse desire and infatuation with true love. For marriage consists, to a large part, of putting the needs of your children and spouse first, and this raising a family is hard, grinding work.
7. And we need to teach, again, that work is good for us, and chasing pleasure alone is an error

Yes this against our culture and our time. But this is the turning of the cycle, our culture is corrupt, and will either fall or reform. Let us pray that it is reformed.