I don’t think, in the two or three years I have done this, and in the last year where I have used the Book of Common Prayer readings, that I have ever quoted Psalm 23. There is an irony here, because I have commented elsewhere to a blogger who has been getting bad advice (including from her priest) in part this:

 Work is good for him. Time to reverse it: what can he pick up and put down? The woman who does my photo processing has a chronic neurological condition and has to limit her work. She still does a damn good job. You may have to reverse roles, and this is not a disaster...

In short, keep working, (and you live much more cheaply than I do) and pray. For his healing, and for endurance. We are not promised prosperity and happiness in this life, but that God will be glorified. (From what I have read of the saints, most of them had real struggles all their lives ).

And let him lead. For he may be broken, but he is not stupid.

What does this mean? I’m not a Papist: I’m a Prot: hard-core. However, there are people who one can learn from: church history is not just about the errors. If you look at those who have been called saints many times they worked when times were dark, in circumstances that were difficult. They were not prosperous, and the only Mercedes or Daimler they ever were driven is was their hearse.

And they were neither happy or thought themselves to be righteous. David had been in the valley of the shadow of death: it is called many names, one of which is battle. And Jesus fed the crowd… on the third day.

A Psalm of David.

	The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 
	Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
	You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
	Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

(Psalm 23 ESV)


	In those days, when again a great crowd had gathered, and they had nothing to eat, he called his disciples to him and said to them, “I have compassion on the crowd, because they have been with me now three days and have nothing to eat. And if I send them away hungry to their homes, they will faint on the way. And some of them have come from far away.” And his disciples answered him, “How can one feed these people with bread here in this desolate place?” And he asked them, “How many loaves do you have?” They said, “Seven.” And he directed the crowd to sit down on the ground. And he took the seven loaves, and having given thanks, he broke them and gave them to his disciples to set before the people; and they set them before the crowd. And they had a few small fish. And having blessed them, he said that these also should be set before them. And they ate and were satisfied. And they took up the broken pieces left over, seven baskets full. And there were about four thousand people. And he sent them away. And immediately he got into the boat with his disciples and went to the district of Dalmanutha.

(Mark 8:1-10 ESV)

The fact is that most of us have troubles in our lives. Most of us. If you go looking for losses to blame your troubles on, you will find them: that however will not solve your problems. And here I’m turning to the Knight: he had lousy parenting and survived by the grace of God.

His analogy of a bummer lamb is one that is abandoned by the ewe: such lambs starve, are sent to slaughter or hand reared.

The difference is that in Grade 5, he got a Gideon’s New Testament and he read it and he didn’t put it into practice, and in Grade 5, I got a Gideon’s New Testament and I read it twice and I did put it into practice. That was the difference. I had the awareness of the moral law (i.e.- wisdom) that allowed me to judge my parents and judge my peers and judge my teachers and stand alone. When you cannot rely on anyone to lead you, judging others is critical. That is what allows you to maintain appropriate boundaries and minimize the influence of people who do not have any plan to grow you. Awareness of the moral law is what allows you to stop trying to get goodness from the people who do not honor their moral obligations to you. On the other hand, God is always willing to give you wisdom, and you can find out all about him (and apply what you find out) if you search for him, especially with Christian apologetics. Apologetics is how you know that Christianity is true, and that’s the first thing you need to do – focus on what is true.

For me, Christianity was a simple matter of being willing to go along with what was true, and not insisting having fun or conforming to peer expectations. The essential characteristic of my faith, in contrast to my older brother’s lack of faith, was this – I did not mind being different, so long as I never lost a debate about what was true. My obedience to Christ has never been conditional on things going my way, on being liked, or anything like that. The only thing that mattered was being factually correct. It never bothered me what other people were doing, or what other people expected me to do, so long as they couldn’t justify it rationally.

How has this affected me? Well, this is the second thing I wanted to say about the bummer lamb analogy. Since I was a victim of this hands-off, me-first style of parenting, it’s caused me to be extra sensitive about being a good spiritual leader to others in the same predicament.The people I mentor can see it in the way that I treat them the exact opposite of the way that my older brother and I were treated. I care what people read. I care what courses they choose. I care what they eat. I care how they feel. I care about their finances. I care about their plans to serve God. I care about their romantic relationships. I care whether they get recognition for doing good. I care whether their life is going in the right direction. One person I mentored who once considered taking her own life wrote to me when she graduated from a STEM program, and she said this: “I wish you could have been here at my graduation. My parents only paid for this degree. You were the one who got me through it”. We have never met in person, but she is going to continue to make a huge difference for Christ and His Kingdom going forward.

I think when you have been a bummer lamb, you are extra careful to make decisions that will enable you to be a good shepherd to other lambs. Being a good shepherd does not mean being pious, spiritual, mystical, etc. Being a good shepherd does not mean making the lambs feel good about making bad decisions. Being a good shepherd means understanding what God has done to lead you, and then reflecting that love back to others in practical, self-sacrificial actions that solve actual real-world problems for other people who want to know and serve God. If you are about to jump off a cliff, the last thing you need is someone with no wisdom or experience telling you that God is OK with you doing whatever feels good to you. What you need is someone practical and competent to give you good advice, however much that advice may make you feel bad, or block your pursuit of fun.

Now, I am very cynical when it comes to this world. Although I have a pension fund (and it is with my university, not the government) I am quite aware that there are local laws that will raid savings to preserve the crony capitalists, who are “too big to fail”. That my status and research and any good I have done would be disavowed in a second for political gain. My country is post-christian, pagan, and God will not be mocked, but before there is restoration plenty of Christians will be thrown under the bus.

But God does not score us by the number of toys we have. We are asked about the people we have influenced for Good. Not if we were happy, or if we took our sins and polished them into spirituality (Yes, I know you can polish turds, but a shiny turd is still a health hazard).

We are called to be faithful. And we will be given enough for us to do what we need: but that is not necessarily going to lead to praise and prizes. It is more likely to lead to trouble, persecution, and public abuse.

But that is immaterial. Let God be glorified. Let us obey him. And if this nation rejects us, then this nation will not be long in this world.