I got into an argument last night. I said the unsayable in polite conversation. I said that shame and guilt are useful. That when our society shunned those who broke the rules, they had ways for them to change and repent. For the society knew what these things were, and were merciful. I used adoption as an example.
But the woman I was with said that this would have caused so much pain. That the woman had to give the child up. That she took time out. That she never could meet her grown child, and rejoice. I suggested that the older rules were merciful than the ones we have now: for I see at work the consequences of a society that tells itself that they are nice and damn others. As if shame and guilt do not exist.
Today’s text has an example: it is far better to use that than talk about the clinical ones I know of: for I had been on call that day and I saw both Amnon and Tamar in that day, and considered that their actions should make one feel guilt, or what happened to them will inevitably cause one to feel ashamed.
Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. And her brother Absalom said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom's house. (2 Samuel 13:15-20 ESV)
None of us want to have a desolate woman, grieving, in our house. We are sons, we are fathers, we are brothers. We do not want to be what our sisters live through. But our society has decided that one should just put others away when one gets bored with them, as if they are the toys of a child. And the amount of desolation is great: far too great.
Instead we try to call all young men Amnon. Well, no. Last night was also the school ball and son two, at the end, as there was impending snow, took his jacket off so his date would not freeze while we got both into the car. Most young men want to meet, woo and wed a virgin of Israel, who glories in the clothing and status that came with that. Not someone who has been thrown into the gutter and dragged through the sewer.
For that is wrong, and it can only be made right before Christ, as Hearthie reminds us.
The women I spoke to who had guilt – one would be honest about that, and I don’t think the other would. But the guilt was evident in every line of her body, the distress in her voice, her attempt to get me to tell her it had been okay (so sorry, didn’t work out for her). Abortion, for most women, is a deeply shameful act. This last couple of years, there has been a push to make it less shameful, to bring it out of the closet, as t’were. *To make it shameful to have shame, in other words.* My denomination runs a post-abortion-care ministry. That’s hard to hear at first, but it is the sin that women who come to Christ carry as the unforgivable sin, the sin that keeps them from accepting God’s grace. Since we know there are no sins that were not washed away in blood… it behooves us to remind others of that truth. When I found out about The women I spoke to who had guilt hat ministry, that was the same day I found out how many women in America have had abortions. Horrible. (It’s about 1 in 3).
What is happening in the West is horrible, and we are seeing the consequences. Our society is under judgment: if one takes Romans 1 seriously the increase in corruption in our society is being foreshadowed by the celebration not merely of gays and lesbians but those who challenge our mammalian division into male and female, as if genders are a design fault, and one should be what one feels one is this week.
And the elite of this time consider not a whit the issues of heaven and live, but concentrate and worship the things of this earth. As a consequence of this, they are also worshipping death and destruction: Freud did get THAT correct.
After this Jesus and his disciples went into the Judean countryside, and he remained there with them and was baptizing. John also was baptizing at Aenon near Salim, because water was plentiful there, and people were coming and being baptized (for John had not yet been put in prison). Now a discussion arose between some of John's disciples and a Jew over purification. And they came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, he who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you bore witness—look, he is baptizing, and all are going to him.” John answered, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.’ The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease.” He who comes from above is above all. He who is of the earth belongs to the earth and speaks in an earthly way. He who comes from heaven is above all. He bears witness to what he has seen and heard, yet no one receives his testimony. Whoever receives his testimony sets his seal to this, that God is true. For he whom God has sent utters the words of God, for he gives the Spirit without measure. The Father loves the Son and has given all things into his hand. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him. (John 3:22-36 ESV)
What do we need to do? We need to teach the gospel. That includes the ideas of sin, and guilt, and shame. That when we feel guilt and shame it is, like pain, a signal. Our conscience is telling us that we are wrong: we are doing wrong. We need to reflect, repent, and repair. We would be considered foolish if we did not stock the firewood before a winter storm and did not monitor for storm warnings in winter and during cyclone season. Yet our the idea of a conscience is now unthinkable.
I have been saying for some time that Christians have been really missing the boat by focusing on charity without theology. We are interested in being nice so we can be liked. We are not interested in telling the truth, so that we can be faithful. We spend all our money feeding hungry people and helping the poor and so on, and nothing is going to defend religious liberty – the freedom to actually treat what the Bible about God as real and serious – in public. Maybe instead of doing nice things, we can try to focus more on doing good things.
I agree with the knight. We have to be good, not nice. And we need to remind the Tamars of this world that they are no more ruined before the cross than any one of us: we need to tell the Amnons of this world that the payment for their sin will cost, but there is relief and comfort at the cross.
And we need to remind ourselves that both Amnon and Tamar, both Jezebel and Elijah, are all human. Their emotions are human. They are not alien to us. We are all vulnerable to great evil, and capable of doing great evil. And for those reasons, we need to turn to the Son of God, for apart from him there is but a consuming fire of anger, and death.
