Paul was not a great enthusiast for the marital state. Some speculate that he had been married — he was a Jewish Rabbi before conversion, and being married was compulsory — and was now a widower: we do not know. We do know he was single, unlike Peter, who took his wife with him when he travelled and preached. And he argues that one should marry out of necessity, for it means that one’s goal in life is diluted.

For our duty of natural affection is such that we will consider our wives, we will think of their needs. This is not only inevitable, it is moral. We are called, if married to love our wives and to not be harsh to them — and wives to respect us, and obey us. (and yes, the commands are different.

The institution of marriage had been corrupted in ancient times. The Greek population was being decimated by the fruits of existential despair following the end of the Macedonian empires: pederastic homosexuality, toleration of prostitution (the hetaerae at symposia, which were as much about drinking as philosophy), and infanticide.

Paul tells men and women that they need not marry, and that holy celibacy is a better way: but… the alternative, marriage, is there for those of us who burn for our beloved, who are head over heels in love.

1 Corinthians 7:32-40

³²I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; ³³but the married man is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please his wife, ³⁴and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman and the virgin are anxious about the affairs of the Lord, so that they may be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please her husband. ³⁵I say this for your own benefit, not to put any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and unhindered devotion to the Lord.

³⁶If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his fiancee, if his passions are strong, and so it has to be, let him marry as he wishes; it is no sin. Let them marry. ³⁷But if someone stands firm in his resolve, being under no necessity but having his own desire under control, and has determined in his own mind to keep her as his fiancee, he will do well. ³⁸So then, he who marries his fiancee does well; and he who refrains from marriage will do better.

³⁹A wife is bound as long as her husband lives. But if the husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, only in the Lord. ⁴⁰But in my judgment she is more blessed if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

In this age the idea of self-control is odd. Any criticism of one’s sexual habits (if in a protected species — that is not male, and not heterosexual) cannot be criticized in any way or means. The narrative for queer culture and queer practice must be noble.

[It should be fairly obvious that I am quoting here: this is the Winter Knight, a better man than I he is]

Now I’m chaste, and a virgin, so I was just imagining what it would be like for me at Yale during Sex Week, when my student fees (hypothetically) would be used to bring in sex addicts to instruct college students that my view is sick and twisted and that binge drinking and premarital promiscuity is morally praiseworthy. Does anyone here seriously think that I would tell people that if they disagreed with my chastity and virginity, that I would be more likely to commit suicide? No. A sex addict’s disapproval of chastity doesn’t make me want to commit suicide, because I am not insane. I’m also not engaged in immoral behavior by being chaste and remaining a virgin.

The Knight goes on and says that he is open to marriage, and remaining as he is improves his changes of succeeding in marriage. he is correct: we want all our young men and women to be like this until they find the one they love. We do not want them falling into a pattern o promiscuity that abrades their ability to think of their spouse, let alone God.

And we need to see that those who choose to be single for Christ are doing something worthy and good. Those who have been scarred by the family courts, those who have reached the point where they can no longer bond, those who have given up and are going their own way, however, need to look to their motivations. Being single is not about avoiding trouble (although you will: once you have children you worry, and you do not stop). It is about being free to do that which your married brothers and sisters cannot do: you cannot put civilians into harm’s way.

There is enough harm that will come for most of us. But the single can be missional in ways the married cannot: can serve in a similar manner. Each of us has a role and a burden. For many single parents (and here I include myself) there was a period where one did not date, and even now there is caution, because the children needed you around 24/7 and you lost too many hours from that duty earning the dollars needed to feed them.

So, to finalize Paul and his teaching here:

• If you are married, stay so, and continue to be intimate with your spouse, love your spouse, and perform your duties as a husband and a wife.
• If you are divorced, reconcile, unless the person is as dead or has left the fellowship. If free, you may marry within the kirk, not without…
• But, if single, consider seriously if you are supposed to be single, and live concerned for Christ alone, and not your children or spouse.
• Second But, if you a full of passion and cannot keep self-control around your beloved, marry them: for being married is not a sin.
• And regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in, live for God right now, and not to your selfish desires.

And, to the married I say, that unless you die before your lover and spouse, a period of singleness will arrive for you, when you too can dedicate that period to doing more in Christ than before.

__________________

On remarriage, it should be rare. If it has happened (and I think that would have been the situation in the Corinthian church) I think, and I may be wrong here, that you should not cease to be married to the person you are with.

Finally, men, watch yourselves, for you have a duty to lead. Supplication leads to chumpdom. Chumpdom leads to contempt. Contempt leads to marital unhappiness. And in our society, that is grounds for divorce, those within the Church not excepted.

Which is why our churches and clubs are full of broken people, grasping for any comfort they can find, hiding in the dark, away from Christ, for their shame.