It is going to be difficult to write about the text today. We had a tragedy locally over the summer and it’s just been written up in the Herald.  A man, separated form his wife and children, murdered the children and then suicided. The Herald has all the court documents online, and one really cannot comment on the details: there are a series of enquiries ongoing locally.

But the endgame of isolation and despair can be destruction. Yesterday I wrote something about love that applies here. Love may be painful, and times incredibly painful, but it heals. Hatred and isolation destroy.

1 John 4:7-21

⁷Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. ⁸Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. ⁹God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. ¹⁰In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. ¹²No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us.

¹³By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴And we have seen and do testify that the Father has sent his Son as the Savior of the world. ¹⁵God abides in those who confess that Jesus is the Son of God, and they abide in God. ¹⁶So we have known and believe the love that God has for us.

God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them. ¹⁷Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness on the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we in this world. ¹⁸There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. ¹⁹We love because he first loved us. ²⁰Those who say, “I love God,” and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. ²¹The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also.

When the scripture tells us that “let us…” it implies there is a choice. We can choose to turn to each other and forgive, we can pray for those who hurt us, we can do good. We can consider the other’s best interests. This will be uncomfortable: for love is offensive. Part of loving is confrontation.

And confrontation: telling, for instance, that one needs to hand in there for your kids, or that you may end up being single for years because your children need some remedial parenting and you are the one who has to do it… can be offensive. Let alone telling someone that their habits are destructive.

People who will hear correction gain wisdom. However, all too often they blame others. The fault lies with their spouse, or the medication (here the Herald has an example) or the sisterhood, or the patriarchy, or racism.

This is wrong. The only faults we can reform are our own. We cannot change another. We can pray for this: indeed we should pray for our enemies, and those who were in our lives but have chosen to leave.

For before us are two paths: the one that leads to a grave and tragedy, and the one that leads to life and salvation. That path, the path of love is painful. I’m going to repeat what I wrote yesterday…

Love is a hard master: harder that the law, for the law can be completed. Love never is. It never gives up. Love drives us to perfection: and our new command is to love, putting the needs of our brothers and sisters first and serving them.

And if the world does not consider you weird, you are not obeying this command. If this does not hurt, you are doing it wrong.

Our example here is Christ, who would correct, using a whip at times as he overturned the money changers in the temple. Who would gently ask the one question that would make a conscience quicken. And who suffered a painful and disgusting death for us all.

Love is not only painful, if will offend the feelings of those around you, for you will not be like them. Love offends: and that very uncomfortable-ness acts like a test, for those who reject love, who nurture their hatred and their hobby horses, diminish and do not grow, joining the many who may be breathing, but lack any life, any joy.

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I should add that I am not talking here about clinical depression. The rate of this, at least in New Zealand, is far too high; the English-speaking nations have rates of depression and anxiety that are much higher than more traditional and organized societies ranging from Germany to Nigeria.

Depression is manageable, using a combination of talking therapy (which is now available over the internet: Crufad, who run the site linked to, estimate the effect size for internet therapy compared with usual care (no talking therapy is around 1.0, which is very big: most medications have and effect size of around 0.4 in psychiatry, and medications have a place.

I am talking here instead about the choices we all make. Our choices today have consequences: what we do here matters. And the law we are under is harder than the Torah: for we cannot hide behind any regulation, but have Christ himself as our example, our measure. And by that metric we will fail, and fail repeatedly.

NO matter. Today, choose to be offensive. Choose to love..

UPDATE.

I’ve been asked about the prevalence of depression. From the most rigourous international survey.