This is another in my ongoing mining of other people’s posts. Alte closed this blog, but it is still on the wayback machine, so let us consider a thesis.

The Average Church Raised Man is a Chump. Including me in my first marriage. We are told or have it implied that we are depraved, without worth, and that women are more mature, more spiritual, and sure as anything sound more spiritual when at prayer or in groups.

We forget that guys don’t do groups. They do tasks. This is one reason that my boys do not attend youth service or youth group, but church. At youth group they have to share feelings — which is the seventh circle of hell for adolescent boys, who have not as yet learned the current churchian methods of lying. (Which I do not want to teach them).

There are two types of husbands: leaders and chumps. There is nothing in between. Your wife is not your partner, she is your spouse. You are either leading her or following her. That is the truth. Deal with it. If you disagree with me, then you’re probably a chump. If you don’t believe me, just take this simple quiz, and find out for yourself.
If you are a chump, your wife:

• Doesn’t want to have sex with you, or seems uninterested in physical intimacy. She treats sex like a chore or a favor to you. She rarely initiates sex, or touches you intimately outside of the bedroom. In bed, she is frigid.\
• Is dominant sexually. She tells you what to do and how to do it, and she insists on certain “acts” being performed before she’ll give in to you. If you ask her for something reasonable (like wearing lingerie, or a different position), she refuses.
• Bosses you around instead of asking politely. She nags you, berates you, and insults you when you do not do as she wants. She thinks you, your dreams, and your plans for the future are “stupid”.
• Brings up your past mistakes in every argument, curses at you, and refuses to admit when she is wrong or apologize for hurting you.
• Talks down to you, even in public. She humiliates you in front of others, and complains about you to her friends and family.
• Doesn’t care if you’re attracted to her. Maybe she dresses up for work, or when leaving the house. But at home, she looks like a slob.
• Is fat, and is unconcerned about losing weight.
• Prefers to spend her time in pseudo-worlds, rather than with you. She is obsessed with celebrity gossip, twitters constantly, or stays up late playing computer games.
• Is ungrateful when you help her out in the household, or with the children. She doesn’t recognize your assistance, instead she complains about how “unhelpful” you are.
• Pretends not to notice when your children are disrespectful to you, or she just doesn’t care.
• Is quick to take partial-credit for your accomplishments. She refers to things you have done or achieved with the royal “we” (as in, “We dug the vegetable garden.” or “We got a raise.”). On the other hand, if something goes wrong, she’s quick to lay the blame at your feet.
• Brags about how you have an “equal partnership” and bristles at any mention of wifely submission. She refuses to serve you, and considers women who serve their husbands to be “mindless doormats”. If you ask her to bring you something to drink, she snaps at you, “Get your own drink.”
• Flirts with other men. She acts more pleasant and feminine with her boss or another man she knows. She compares you negatively with them.
• Beats and physically threatens you. Conversely, you are tempted to hurt her. You think, “If I could make her fear me, then she would finally show me some respect.”
• Drives you to hurt yourself and those you love. You are depressed, you act out in anger on your kids or inanimate objects (slam doors, punch the wall), or you self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, gambling, computer games, or porn.
• Threatens divorce, when you say or do something she doesn’t like.
• Makes you sleep on the couch when you anger her, and you are afraid of making her mad.
• Makes you feel unwelcome in your home. You dread coming home to her, work late, and are eager to leave again. You make lame jokes about being a harassed husband.
• Turns you off. You fantasize constantly about other women who seem more feminine, have an addiction to pornography, or frequent prostitutes.

So, I was right, wasn’t I? You’re a chump. Your wife is completely disgusted with you, and such behaviors are her not-so-subtle way of telling you that. Not only are you miserable, your wife is miserable, too. That pretty girl you married turned into an ugly old woman within the space of a few years. I know you love her, so don’t do that to her. Grow a backbone, and learn how to handle her properly. Otherwise, you will face the choice of being dragged over coals in a divorce, winding up in jail, or living with a shrew until the day you die.

Needless to say, Alte has quite a bit to say about what it would take to keep a wife happy. Most of it would give a feminist conniptions. She even has a ten point list.

I’m simpler.

• God calls husbands to lead, so lead. To lead you need a spine, and you need self control.
• You must not let yourself therefore, be influenced by that which is not God, and would subvert your position. Each man has his own vulnerabilities.
• But you must set the standards, the limits, and keep them.

It reminds me of my grand daughter. She has a new puppy, and was trying to get the dog to walk with her on a long lead, and getting upset when it ran everywhere, as dogs will. I showed her to limit the dog to a short lead (immediate problem) and talked about how she had to be in control so the dog felt safe (longer term problem).

If we are in control, and there are rules we both keep, there will be safety and times of joy. If there are no rules, no safety: if there is no control of emotions (which is, as far as I can tell, a male task) there will be chumpdom and contempt.