Bruce has but weeks left. We are spending time with him, most days, for but short periods: his wife notes that we tire him, and he takes time to recover. His daughter has just begun to sleep without tears: and yes I know: she is my wife.

We are not promised happiness in this life. And death is the last enemy. For this I know, that my redeemer lives, and he will destroy death and all its works, then in my flesh I shall see God.

Persevere, persevere! I’m barely keeping my head above the water. But reading through these verses below gives me encouragement that there is hope, God is preparing a home for me, and others have been through exactly what I’m going through and made it to the finish line.

Last night we dropped off one of my daughter’s friends at her home, I thought maybe her parents weren’t home because the house was dark, the girl waited outside and then I joined her to make sure she was okay. Their electricity had been shut off and there was a long extension cord running from the house to another building to keep a lamp on inside. Her mom was asleep on the sofa. I told her to go wake her mom up and let her know she’d gotten home okay. As I was leaving (8:30-ish), her dad was dropped off from work and headed inside. I said hi to him and introduced myself. He was pretty nice.

I’m growing a different perspective on poverty, not sure where it’s leading me.

I know this woman trough Hearthie, who has become a good encourager of Robyn, bullying her into wearing colours and telling her that she looks good. I have never met Hearthie. I would co sign her talk about unity. But what we need to do, this day and every day, is work on being true, and good, and beautiful, and not letting evil fester within us.

There are many sins that are obvious and well recognizable. As a woman, allowing evil to fester is not always one of them. Once this path is chosen it can become an insatiable downward spiral. She feels she has been wronged, she then dwells on that feeling. As she dwells more wrongs are recalled then more and more. New wrongs are noticed and focused on. She sets aside her faith, she hides from hope.

She is justified in her mind. The self pity, suffering, and depression cloud her judgment and render her helpless to stop. Any change in her demeanor or the manner she’s chosen to punish her husband is tacit acceptance of whatever he has done that she feels wronged by. To change her countenance from misery to joy would let him off the hook. When she wakes in the morning, if her mind became refreshed and she’s forgotten for an instance that she is to be upset, she’ll quickly force it all back in. “Oh that’s right, I am to be angry, smoldering…festering.”

I feel sick in my stomach recalling when I used to do this. While I’d love to tell you that I no longer do this because of my own inner desire to pursue wisdom, I can not. RLB made this stop. Commentator Looking Glass mentions a bucket of cold water. While RLB didn’t use actual water, his method was as effective. And while it may seem cruel and hurtful, what he did was in fact very kind. It was able to snap me out of it and get me tuned back in to faith, hope, and love and it silenced the evil, insatiable festering that wanted to consume me from the inside out.

“You done now?”
“Are you over yourself yet?”

We didn’t have any long drawn out conversations. Those simple remarks for me indicated the shit test had failed and no manner of sour behavior was going to bring me into his good favor. I knew he would shame me into getting right if I didn’t make the choice myself.

I no longer can fester for very long. Joy is too much fun.

We are not called to be outraged at all things and at all times. We are called to be of Christ: we were all totally depraved. Any good we do is from God.

So let us build each other up with the time we have left.