One of the difficulties with my nature is that I live very much inside my head. And I see a conflict others do not. My mates in the gym know they are not perfect: they are trying to improve. Last night I watched (there is nothing on TV) the Xfit teams regionals. Only five teams could make the finals. Team 6 and 7 were disappointed — but happy. They had beaten their best times for the events at the games compared to when they practised them.

And even though they would not go to the games, they had an achievement. None of them were perfect. It may be that the gym is a better analogy than the monk. Because we see the monk as perfect, even though he fervently denies this.

So we are called to use our freedom from sin to do good: not to wallow in the appetites of the flesh. We are to have self-control. We are to love our sisters and brothers. We are not to use them to gratify our desires. For how we treat others, and if we do good, will be shown in what happens.

A fallen church, a fallen fellowship, is full of emnity, strife, politics. A bit like an average day at the University.

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.

(Galatians 5:13-25 ESV)

We have to be very careful here. For there are many ways in which we can gratify the desires of the flesh: not merely the obvious. The obvious is hard, but if one fornicates, and one has not seared one’s conscience, then one knows you have done wrong. If one steals, you know it is wrong.

But say that alternative marital relationships are equally valid, that marriage is fungible, that the role of the husband is void, and you have a situation of serial fornication and adultery with a clear conscience.

I’ll offer some more examples in a followup post, but we should also consider the different meanings of the expression itself and the context in which complementarians are using it. We should also consider the practical implications in real life marriages of what is at best a terribly vague charge.

Saying someone “isn’t listening” very commonly does mean the person isn’t doing what you told them to do. The distinction comes with the position of the person using it in relation to the person they are talking about. If a boss complains that his employees aren’t listening to him, he isn’t saying they won’t hear him out; he is complaining that they aren’t doing as instructed. The same is true for a parent who complains that their children aren’t listening to them. Outside of feminised Christianity there really is no controversy here. The term does mean not doing as they were told if the person doing the telling is considered to be in a position of authority.

Moreover, while they like to be coy about this fact, modern Christians do see the wife as being in a natural position of authority over the husband. This is why we frequently have Christian wives exhorted to tell their husbands no, set boundaries, and enforce consequences. If a husband were to “set boundaries” and enforce consequences on his wife, the term for this is abuse. Even pointing out that this would be abuse if the sexes were switched is itself a form of abuse. This is the complementarian position.

If a man, in the Churchian situation Dalrock describes, does have a spine and does say “No”, or asks his wife to do something she does not like, then it is abuse and grounds for separation if not divorce. Putting both in peril: not that divorce is unforgivable, but that the man is likely to be shunned and rejected from the church, and the children will see this, note, and leave as soon as they can.

If we are faithful, God will be faithful. But this means we need to swim against the current of this age. Having a disciplined, fit lifestyle helps: but it is not enough to be physically strong. One has to be self controlled. And here we all struggle.

For what we see, with the social justice agenda, is a reduction of productivity. People cannot confront. They are afraid of the political police more than God. And the business loses money, the social agency loses its purpose, the church loses the gospel. And the nation turns from God.

Regardless of the fervour of our worship and the professionalism of our Christian music and entertainment industries. We need to rediscover self discipline.

For Christ did not save us so we can do wrong.