This is from a comment at Dalrock’s. The comment is about the need to guard one’s heart: if male from the visual and if female more from romance, for both are read for arousal, both glorify sexual desire overmuch, and Dalrock calls them porn, with good reason.

But the comments are about a case, and I am going to edit it and make comments. It is a bit like the situation in Proverbs where a man being seduced is described as akin to an ox blindly walking to the slaughterhouse. Now, if you consider all women are special snowflakes and none are ever evil, I suggest you look away.

I am also going to redact a fair amount of the comment

I know anecdotal evidence is not really evidence, so please take this with the proverbial grain of salt, but in my experience,,,, the sexual hypocrisy of females can be breathtaking.

Well, yeah, we are all hypocrites.

… a young single mom in our congregation. One night during fellowship, she claims several of our male members were looking at an attractive girl walking by. She publicly called out the men on their sin, and told us that she could no longer fellowship with us because of how sinful the men were. The men were mystified, and all claimed that they were not even looking at the passing girl. The single mom agrees to stay, provisionally. Sometime later, it came to light that the same single mom had accused a young man outside the congregation of molesting her teenage daughter. It turns out the teenaged daughter had been flirting with the young man by sitting in his lap–no other contact etc etc. The daughter even told us that nothing even remotely happened and that “my mom likes drama to make her life more interesting.”

In my trade, this is called projection. It is accusing others of the very thing that you are afraid of: alternatives to this, such as reaction formation (preaching against the very sin you are committing) or undoing (giving monies to the poor because you have been overly sharp in your business practice) are altogether common.

After further due diligence (the single mom even confessed that there had been no “genital contact”) we asked the single mom to make things right for the young man (she had told his parents and was threatening legal action, etc). She refused and said things like this “blow over.”

One of the clear signs you are dealing with someone who is going to hack your emotions is that they will refuse to accept any accountability or blame. They will either minimise distress (which is what happened here) or find a quasi-legalistic method of justifying their actions (such as “raising consciousness”).

Church discipline was practised, and we asked her to leave the fellowship until she was ready to approach the young man’s family and set the record straight. Two months later, she is pregnant out of wedlock with a non-christian, bears the child, gets child support in the thousands per month in addition to the father’s swanky San Francisco condo.

By your actions you can pick them. There are two points to note here: one is that she managed to get herself linked up with a sperm donor, and then rips him off (yes, sex does not get you a swanky condo, nor does bearing a child. She manipulated him, then left him) and secondly she cannot abide confrontation, so left the church.

Now the warning.

Sad story on so many fronts (poor baby raised by single mom! Poor dad!), and a travesty that the entire legal-military complex stands behind her, ready to destroy any man who dares to stand up for a shred of justice.

I teach my sons three things.

1.  Christ called us to righteousness, and fidelity in marriage. Keep it zipped until then.
2. If you don’t you better be prepared to raise any children that result… and…
3. Do not marry or cohabit or live in a country with unjust laws that allow for alimony and swingeing child support. For that reason, no matter how cute they are and how righteous they seem, do not date an American or British Woman. For their courts are poison.

And from them, we all need to stay far away.