Scripture is clear, and it is good. What we here is important, and how we manage it is very important. Now we are told all too often that Scripture is wrong because men wrote it and that is sexism. Or that it is outmoded. Or that our society has changed, and this leaves you at great risk. Among men, the risks are now reaching the point where many advise men simply not to even date, for there be unilateral divorce (“Frivorce”), dragons and lawyers.

If your goal is to avoid frivoce at all costs, my “counsel” would be never marry ANYONE. MGTOW is the ONLY way. Yes, even that 23-y/old virgin college grad can frivorce your @ss. You bet she can. All marriage is marriage 2.0 until they amend the Constitution of the United States outlawing all unilateral divorce at the state level.

If your goal is to minimize the risk of frivoce, but you MUST marry (as you are “burning”, desire children, and jerking off to free pron just doesn’t do it for you anymore) my “counsel” would be marry a college grad with a SL-count (that is a student loan count) of $0. That might even be MORE important than her N-count.

If you must get married and you don’t care about frivorce, my “counsel” would be to see a professional counselor as you are medically insane.

What we here and what society tells us matters, for that is how we adjudge what is right, and by those rules we will be judged. If we are honest, by those rules we have failed. Our current tendency to blame others does not help, and the legal system we have does not help.

But within the church there are clear duties for husbands and wives. The duty of the wife is to submit in all things, the duty of the husband is to care and to love her. Many people hate half of this passage: there are many teachers who will teach the male part (You must love that woman, regardless of what she does, because scripture commands and she does not need to love you unless you are doing all this) or the female part (All wimmenz must submit to their husbands: the Mennonites are the correct model. Regardless of how he loves). But the context matters. Consider the verses above. We are not to be like this world. Including in how we act with those we are wedded to.

And he said to them, “Is a lamp brought in to be put under a basket, or under a bed, and not on a stand? For nothing is hidden except to be made manifest; nor is anything secret except to come to light. If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.” And he said to them, “Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you. For to the one who has, more will be given, and from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.”

(Mark 4:21-25 ESV)

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

(Ephesians 5:15-33 ESV)

This is one passage. We are told to be sober, to use our time wisely, and then wives are to submit… for it is a model of how the church submits to Christ. Husbands are to love, sacrifically, for that is how Christ loved us.

Clear scripture. Balanced. Wise.

Hated in this generation. The feminists hate this because it talks submission, and continuity, and respect. And the Men’s rights people hate it because you have to treat women decently, and not as objects for seduction and abandonment. The elite hate this because this makes couples into families, and families self organize without the micromanagement of the state and the attendant fees.

As if marriage is not a one way thing. As if divorce does not damage your soul, your spouse, your finances, your future and your children.

We are not to be part of this world. And we have accommodated all too much. Yes, this teaching is hard, and we want to stop our ears. Yes, we are fallen. Yes, our society will think we are crazy. But if we marry, let us be trapped in it.

UPDATE.

Sister Elspeth understands this and she writes in a new post.

The chief error of the Focus on the Family types is a common one, of mistaking correlation with causation. Because single men without wives and children tend to work a little less diligently and play a little bit more, they assume that women civilize men. They then compound the error further by prescribing that we turn the reins of the marriage over to the woman’s superior spiritual leadership by calling the head of the wife her “servant leader”. Another mistake. My husband isn’t my servant. He serves Christ by leading me.

She has this alright. When you love another, you do things for them: you need to provide for them, and you can’t just make teh 20-30k[1] you need to live well as a single bloke. Her post is commended.

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1. Captain capitalism reckons the number is 15 – 20 K in the US, but I live in NZ.