I have finally found a good analogy for this type of post. It’s a series of quotes, similar to those you would paste into a scrapbook or write in a notebook. If you want links, Free Northerner has a very good list, being aware that he reads everything and not to go to some links at work….
Hans Solo on preselection and attraction… the fact you are married or have a GF means others hit on you, which to my mind, is frankly weird, for if a woman has a BF or husband I respect that relationship.
The interesting thing is that by being in a relationship or married, most men are going to have more preselection going for them than if they were single (except for high-status or successful players). So, men should realize they have this added bit of “wealth” to work with and that it’s somewhat situational (namely, being married) and not get complacent.
It’s fascinating how one’s perspective changes when one’s getting steady sex and in a good relationship vs. when the opposite is occuring.
I’m not saying that men should pedastalize their wife or go all needy when I say not get complacent. Just to remember that, for most men, the preselection of having a wife/gf, which causes other women to want them more, disappears to some extent (or a large one) once the woman is gone.
But, as guys, you have to take the risk of the first move. If you don’t the girl will not know that you like her. Most of the time we do assortively mate, but one of the things that drops men down the mating marketplace is lack of confidence. Look for the quiet nice girl with average to good looks. Chances is that she will say yes to a date… because, as SSM notes she kinda sorta likes you.
Harry doesn’t do anything but orbit around her in an icky fashion, so she isn’t aware that he likes her. Maybe she would like him back if he really pursued her, but he doesn’t. So she’s dateless on Saturday night and just figures it’s because no one wants a girl who isn’t particularly pretty. So when you come right down to it, she can’t get male attention because the ones she’s willing to pursue won’t have her and the ones she might like well enough if they pursued her, don’t.
I’m speaking from experience here. I was an average looking girl and had a part-time job in high school; after my first year in college, I went home for the summer and went back to that part time job. My manager there told me, “Remember, (name)? He was so crazy about you. It’s too bad he didn’t come back this summer since you’re here again.” And I was like, “Why didn’t he ever say anything to me? I would have gone out with him!” All he would have had to do is approach me and ask me to go to a movie or something, and I’m sure I would have. But he never did.
As a father of two fairly bright young men who I am informed (by my 30 year old co workers, to my horror) are quite handsome, I will add that they do not date because the consequences of getting it wrong terrify them. They have seen me go through a bitter divorce. They have seen a footballer (rugby first XV, to be precise) suicide at their school because he got his GF pregnant. They would rather not take the risk in asking you out and play Xbox. Since they are 16 and 18, I am not pushing them to date, because doing that now requires a huge amount of social skills and discipline or it will backfire.
The current system is not working for serious minded, intelligent young men or women, as Donal Graeme notes.
In the past this would have been true, but to borrow a line from Lord of the Rings… The World Has Changed. The MMP is not like what it once was. I didn’t mention before, but Jane informed me that she has not found many, if any, marriage minded men in college. And those who are marriage minded aren’t husband material. The combined effects of feminism, the economy and changes to the culture has pushed many men away from marriage.
And Donal, again, with advice for young woman in this situation that I do agree with.
I think your problem {redacted} is not so much attracting the kind of man you are looking for, but in finding him. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that you are looking for a perfect trifecta in a man, specifically that he is:
1) Devout
2) Has an agreeable personality
3)MasculineSuch men are extraordinarily rare these days. Very, very few are raised that way from birth. Most are converts of some sort or another. Either they were masculine and not religious and converted later in life, or (even less commonly) they were religious and later in life became more masculine. This is where you real challenge lies: find men like this. Sadly, there is only so much advice to give here.
I mention this because I think you are focusing too much on efforts to attract such a man. Understand that he is attracted to the same thing all other men are attracted to: beauty. What you want is to make him desire you, and you can do this through becoming more feminine. Of course, this will also pull in other men as well, because as a general rule nearly all men desire more feminine women.
Today’s task is to break in new athletic shoes and remove from the house the old ones that have exacerbated by achilles tendonitis. And think about scheduling, for tomorrow I return to Dunedin, where the garden needs attention, and the final term of this year will be very busy.
