There is a very long thread over at TC called “don’t wife them up”. It talks about the number of men who end up being destroyed by the people who they marry. Marriage minded men are not filtering well. I’ll use Cranberry’s story as an illustration here.
My husband’s cousin is one of these guys. Happened long before I met my husband, but Cuz still bears the scars. He’s full MGTOW for almost 15 years now (he’s 43 years old). Hubs told me the story: she was so sweet, and nice, and seemed really into Cuz, but had a kid and wasn’t sure about a new man in her life, etc.
Well, they gave it a go, and within a few months she went completely crazy. Leaving the kid with him to go to bars and hook up with other guys, calling him crying on the phone to get back together or she’d kill herself and leave the kid without a mom…Cuz just couldn’t take it any longer and moved FIVE STATES AWAY to get away from her. Thank God they never married. Now, whenever we see him, he seems so lonely but is gun-shy of any woman that isn’t related to him in some way. Poor guy.
Unfortunately, I think my sister might be one of these women. Tatooed up and down her arms and back, beautiful but illegitimate daughter with a guy who has psychological problems (she’s a single mom, living with our parents right now), hard worker and kind but when it comes to guys she plays far too many games and becomes a person I hardly know. She’s tried dating but always finds fault with them for some reason or another. I need to sit her down and have a long talk about Mr. Perfect Don’t Exist, and she needs to get on it if she hopes to provide a modicum of stability for her lovely child (whom we all love dearly, we love my sister dearly, but I see her getting all avenues of her life straight except the Search For Mr. Right). Talking to her about these things, though, is so hard, because suddenly we all hate her and don’t understand her needs and are judging her too harshly…she’s the youngest, I suppose that’s how it goes?.?…
I want to contrast this… and the tendency that is shown in Cranberrys Brother (of just giving up) with a couple who hod a troubled marriage. And before the ignorant say it was all his (Elkanah’s) faout for having two wives, may I remind you that the Levirite rules applied: you had to wife up your brother’s wife if he died without issue. And note that the woman with kids was being horrible to Hannah: the Bible is far more realistic about the psychology of women than our current feminist ideology.
1 There was a certain man of Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham son of Elihu son of Tohu son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. 2 He had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.
3 Now this man used to go up year by year from his town to worship and to sacrifice to the LORD of hosts at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests of the LORD. 4 On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters; 5 but to Hannah he gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the LORD had closed her womb. 6 Her rival used to provoke her severely, to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb. 7 So it went on year by year; as often as she went up to the house of the LORD, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat. 8 Her husband Elkanah said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”
9 After they had eaten and drunk at Shiloh, Hannah rose and presented herself before the LORD. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the LORD. 10 She was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD, and wept bitterly. 11 She made this vow: “O LORD of hosts, if only you will look on the misery of your servant, and remember me, and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a male child, then I will set him before you as a nazirite until the day of his death. He shall drink neither wine nor intoxicants, and no razor shall touch his head.”
12 As she continued praying before the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. 14 So Eli said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.” 15 But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the LORD. 16 Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation all this time.” 17 Then Eli answered, “Go in peace; the God of Israel grant the petition you have made to him.” 18 And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your sight.” Then the woman went to her quarters, ate and drank with her husband, and her countenance was sad no longer.
19 They rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD; then they went back to their house at Ramah. Elkanah knew his wife Hannah, and the LORD remembered her. 20 In due time Hannah conceived and bore a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, “I have asked him of the LORD.”
Hannah, like most women, wants a child. Not any child. A child from her man, for her. The children of her sister-wife do not count. And like most women, she does not like sharing her man: she would prefer him to herself, and there is conflict between her and her fellow wife.
And the words of her husband, who loves her, do not matter. Nor does his love. For among Jewish women, to be childless was to be pitied, and having a large number of children was a glory. Now, Hannah is seen as righteous, and when she prays, she is heard. And the last judge is her child she bore.
How have we, as a society fallen. Hannah was not that happy, but she was able to turn to the Almighty, and she was loved. Many women now just acquire a child from fornication, and then ascribe to themselves righteousness by simply being a mother. There is no shame, there are no tears, but there is no righteousness, no joy, and no salvation. And one fears for their children, raised without protection, and away from the house of our God.
In this time being fussy about who you go our with, cautious in moving to engagement, and waiting until wed is rational. For sex is unitary: it makes us desire more the person we are with (feature, not bug) and makes us jealous of any who interfere with this (again, feature not bug). But if we bond poorly, and this is broken, frequently we find ourselves broken.
And an increasing number of men are choosing not to play that game, because it hurts too much. They turn to hobbies, beer and the gym. We in effect have a secular monastory. This is a consequence of our scoiety being antinomial for at least two if not three generations: the remnant who have morals and decency are now called hateful and weird, and sex is divorced from passion, love, shame and jealousy, and becomes just another form of aerobics.
It becomes boring, for it does not have a person attached to it. Any society who falls down this path is going to die, because if enough men stopy marrying and breeding (which is different from sexing up women of the city) then there will not be anotehr generation.
We need more Lkanahs. We need more Hannahs. And we need to reform our society and kirk.
