Overnight I was thinking more about a comment made — which I think was a quote of Lewis — that first things come first, and second things follow. He argued, correctly, that the fact we sin leads to the difficulties we have. We sin because death is in us, and a true root cause analysis is to look at that and the Gospel. This led to me commenting yesterday at the Society of Phineas
Marriage is a place that allows us to recharge and return to the fray to do good. (and this applies as much to the woman as the man) and that we tend to forget that we are quite small and unworthy and really do not deserve much.
We don’t earn justification and we definitely do not earn good behaviour form our spouses. Wise people give freely, generously, and expect greatness from each other, while knowing the other is flawed.
Because we do not preach the gospel but a pale version of morality, denying the power within the gospel. we think we deserve all spiritual blessings and happinesses. Women who think this will never, ever be satisfied by any man.
Nor men who think this by any woman. They will want perfection — which only exists as pixels or on a slide, after considerable makeup, posing, and the black art of photoshop.
If we see ourselves as small but deeply loved by a vast and powerful God, we can then treat each other with gentleness. If we see each other as full of self esteem our pride will demand… and take that which whe covet, not seeing the damage we all do.
There are (praise God) Godly marriages out there. But they do not look every much like the milksop version the Churchians proclaim. Nor, for that matter, what our society wants.
Now, It feels odd writing that. I’m divorced. (It also shows, in the original comment, how much I depend on spellchecking) But the issues that the author of the piece wrote are a consequence of us seeing ourselves as too big. And this is an error.
For our God is great, and not to be mocked or to be defied.
2On that day the branch of the LORD shall be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the land shall be the pride and glory of the survivors of Israel. 3Whoever is left in Zion and remains in Jerusalem will be called holy, everyone who has been recorded for life in Jerusalem, 4once the Lord has washed away the filth of the daughters of Zion and cleansed the bloodstains of Jerusalem from its midst by a spirit of judgment and by a spirit of burning. 5Then the LORD will create over the whole site of Mount Zion and over its places of assembly a cloud by day and smoke and the shining of a flaming fire by night. Indeed over all the glory there will be a canopy. 6It will serve as a pavilion, a shade by day from the heat, and a refuge and a shelter from the storm and rain.
If you read history, particularly church history, revival follows a winnowing down to a praying and fervent minority. The bulk of society tolerates vice. And when revival comes, it is both joyous and terrible. People are on their knees, weeping, and confessing their sins. Lives change. Societies suddenly have a spine — and often social injustices cease.
This has been the pattern from the Judges, through the Kings, to Nehemiah, to the Welsh Revival… And this awareness of God drove Paul to write:
1I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.
Now humility means not seeing yourself as big. Not worshiping self esteem. Accepting correction. Being not uxorious nor a tyrant. Gentleness includes strength and courage. In the end, it is not the loving thing to leave a person deluded and in error.
Because a true root cause analysis is inevitably going to offend us. It will point our sin, and our errors.
Sin comes from three sources: The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, and the pride of life. Insofar as adultery and divorce are concerned, men are subject to the first two primarily through visual stimuli and a carnal desire for the harem (polygamy). Women are susceptible to the first two primarily through emotional appeals and a carnal desire to “marry up” (hypergamy). Both of these situations are made worse through the pride of life (self-esteem being the current euphemism in vogue) which leads men and women alike to view themselves as being either above temptation or deserving of a harem or hypergamy.
The Bible mentions three sources of sin, too, but they are: the world, the flesh, and the Devil.