Avoiding a poor wife.

I guess I went looking for a distraction. Son one, in parallel to me, has had to deal with friends who like Democrats. We do live in an academic town, and like most such towns, it prides itself on being progressive and intolerant of any view that contradicts the accepted leftist pieties. One of which is that the Republicans are obviously evil and warmongers. (As far as I can see, Kennedy and LBJ got us into Vietnam, Truman into Korea… and Obama into Afghanistan. Accuracy is not needed if one is politically correct).

Now before we get into the advice I am going to pull from everywhere… if you have a wife, it is generally best to remain with that one. Getting a new one is not only immoral, it will financially ruin you. In fact, you should consider if you want a wife at all.  You do need to be aware that if you live with her, she will be your common-law wife within two years or one pregnancy. It is not only about a ritual, but the reality of living with someone. Being single is not a sin… and marrying does not guarantee that you will not be lonely.

But, when you are looking, there are some questions you can ask. These were LGR’s one’s…

Ask yourself these questions, which are not listed in order of their importance, about any woman you are interested in:

  1. Does she talk about herself obsessively
  2. Does she veer between exuberance and tears?
  3. Has she had numerous sexual partners? (Kristor, who added this, noted the alpha female is a virgin)
  4.  Does she believe in homosexual “marriage” (a tip off that she has no idea what marriage is)?
  5. Does her father seem indifferent to what she does?
  6. Does she have children?
  7. Is she aggressively pretty? 
  8. Does she have a group of  friends who exult in girly togetherness?
  9. Does she have a career instead of a job?
  10. Does she lift weights and pursue an exhausting exercise regimen?
  11. Is she incapable of reading a book by a man? 
  12. Does she disbelieve in the existence of God?

This list occurred before Dalrock and the Social pathologist separately looked at the risk if divorce and basically stated that a partner number greater than one increased risk. However, there are no guarantees. You can meet someone who is not aggressively pretty, is a virgin, reads and does not appear to be a flake… but she is acting, and you will not find out for a very long time. She will act through the engagement and when she has you completely committed to her will “relax” and change. For the worst.

I hate to say it, but men are fairly blind here. We get caught by pretty — and while we are thinking about that our brains switch off. Which is why this list (from Alte) is also needed.

Top Ten Things to Avoid in a Wife

  1. Narcissist. She spends an inordinate amount of time preening, primping, and admiring herself. Her beauty is artificial or high-maintenance. She likes to discuss herself in detail, without showing any genuine interest in you. Her ethical views tend to be colored by “What’s in it for me?”
  2. Ignorant. There is no use in reasoning with such a woman. If you present her with a logical and grounded argument for a cause (political or personal), she will ignore your logic and attempt to shame and deride you into agreeing with her, or lower herself to an emotional appeal. Her own views are often colored by people she thinks are “cool”, or by superstition and conspiracy theories.
  3. Whirlwind. She’s flaky and unreliable. She spends an insane amount of time Twittering, Tweeting, IMing, texting, etc-ing. She seems to be perpetually busy, without accomplishing much. She is completely unhappy unless surrounded by fans, pals, and colleagues.
  4. Promiscuous. She has slept with more men than you can count on both hands. Her ability to pair-bond is irreparably damaged, she might be frigid or emotionally detached, and she will tend toward infidelity. Women who have had an abortion, eagerly “confess” to past sexual abuse, or are unwed mothers are also a poor choice.
  5. Trendy. She’s always looking to be part of the latest trends, styles, and mores. She thinks it’s more important to do what is popular, than what is right. She is fickle and easily swayed by the opinions of others. She believes that marriage is only about “two people who love each other”. If she doesn’t love you anymore, she’ll leave you.
  6. Spiritual. She considers herself a “spiritual being”, but isn’t particularly religious or devout. She professes a belief in a “higher power” or “afterlife”, but isn’t willing to do anything about it. She calls herself a Christian and might even go to church, but is Biblically-illiterate and doesn’t believe in absolute morality. Such a woman can use her “beliefs” to justify any action, no matter how unethical.
  7. Dull. She doesn’t bother to cultivate her intellect, has no interesting hobbies, and is incurious. She is a poor partner in conversation. She seems nice enough, but you find her boring. If you think she’s boring now, wait until you’ve shared a home with her for 15 years.
  8. Lazy. She doesn’t get out of bed in the morning. She’s late everywhere because she just can’t be bothered to be on time. Her home is a mess, she doesn’t cook, and she spends an inordinate amount of time watching television. She dresses sloppily at home.
  9. Cruel. She doesn’t fight fair and is vindictive. She brings up your past mistakes in unrelated discussions. She ridicules you to her friends and family, or speaks down to you as if you are simple-minded.
  10. Dishonest. She hides her true self from you, or attempts to manipulate you with tall tales. She lies straight to your face, even about simple things.

I would add that she accuses you of being dishonest, cruel, lazy, dull, flaky, incompetent or says you are arrogant and narcissistic, you do not have an exactly great choice. There is, of course, a balance. Everyone has days when remaining within the bounds of civilized discourse is difficult.  We are all fallen.

So how do we phrase this positively? Well, this Haole turns to the Hawaiian Libertarian.

In terms of morality, attitudes and behavior, indeed, not all women are “like that.” There are women who have been raised in an environment that makes it far more likely she will have the self-control, maturity and awareness to accept your leadership role to make sure you have a successful marriage.

In short…here are the characteristics that make a successful marriage with a Western Woman more likely –

  • Was she was raised in an intact, happy nuclear family?
  • Does she have a positive, respectful relationship with her Father?
  • Is she is younger than you?
  • Does she have a sense of moral awareness and justice?
  • What are her life goals? Does she understand the realities of her own biological clock and the opportunity costs of pursuing the education/career track versus having children?
  • How does she manage money and credit?

OK, I am going to finish with a person I should quote more, and that is Grerp. Her list is again couched in the positive manner, but has the same themes in it.

I would observe whether she is a hard worker or not. Does she put in the time and do a good job on projects she starts, whether for work or for personal pleasure. Or does she give in easily saying, “This seems to hard for me. Can you help me with this?” Obviously we all have our areas of competence and some things will be too hard for any one individual to manage, but watch whether it is a trend.

How are her previous relationships? Does she get in and out of her friendships or does she still hear from and do stuff with people from way back? Are her friends good people? Do they like and respect her?

Look at her family carefully to determine if the crazy is there. Are her parents still together? Have her siblings divorced or done the serial monogamy thing? Is there any pressure from her family group to stay on the straight and narrow? Look at her parents as individuals. Do they interact well? How does her mother treat her father?

How to sum it up?

  • If she hates her previous boyfriends, she will hate you as well.
  • If you think the family needs therapy or a social worker… Run. Now.
  • If she has no firm moral base, she will not keep her word. Do not be unequally yoked.
  • If she does not have the ability to work, she will find marriage too hard.
  • If she is not happy without many clothes and other toys, she will not be happy with them.

Now, the number of partners, lack of children etc… still matter. Size and fitness matters. But find out if she has her head on straight before you get the goggles of infatuation.

UPDATE.

Given the current state of the US courts, I concur with the Captain that you should not date liberal (progressive) women, and (if, like me, you are not an inmate of the United States) not date US women, enslaving yourself to that system. I think we have reached that point in the decline of the West.