Tells for girls.

This one is written for women. who is single and looking out for someone else. I’m biased. My daughter, who is happily married, to a decent man, but  I have grand daughters. I want them to marry someone decent.

It’s a jungle out there. The rates of STDs may be increasing. Every time you sleep with someone. you share all their bugs… including the ones they got from their previous partners.

So the number counts. You simply do not want to be with a  high number man. They may be excellent one night stand acrobats, but you are looking for a marraige partner.

Now, I’d say lay off until you are married… keep your discretion. You will need it to sort out a few things: the prenup, what to do with children, which church,

If you can’t agree on finances, don’t sleep with him. Because if you sleep with him you better be prepared to raise or support  him raising a kid. Sex leads to children… even in the world of Sandra Fluke, where no consequences sex has been elevated to some perverted human right.

Ladies first. They boys can follow…

Dalrock starts with how a manwhore makes you feel.

That one is easy: You have an instant attraction to and connection with him. He is the man of your dreams and you fall madly in love with him. It seems like he knows you better than yourself. He is the man all of the romcoms, romance novels, and other chick crack tells you will one day sweep you off your feet. All of your girlfriends are jealous.

In short, if he sounds too good to be true, he probably is. Deti expanded this:

1. You’ve met him at a bar. He’s been chatting you up for quite a while. He doesn’t seem the slightest bit nervous. He’s almost too confident. He number closes you. You watch him walk to another area of the bar and does the same thing with another girl you’ve never seen before.

2. He isn’t at all nervous when talking to you for the first few times.

3. He pushes hard for P in V sex the first time he gets you alone.

4. He doesn’t necessarily push for the same night lay, but he does push for sex very soon.

5. You’ve heard from other girls that he pumped and dumped them.

6. He has a crappy job and is always broke. He mistreats and uses everyone around him. But somehow he can always get women. (This is the number one cad/manwhore tell, as far as I can see.)

7. He purposely keeps details about himself shrouded in mystery, even after you’ve been seeing him for a month or so. He doesn’t talk about what he does or where he is when he is not with you.

8. After you sleep with him, he ditches you — calls and texts go unreturned. (You’ve just been pumped and dumped.)

9. After you rebuff his advances, either (1) calls and texts are unreturned, or (2) there seems to be a systematic way he returns calls and texts, with increasing durations between a call/text and its return.

Cane was a little more cynical

I don’t think your cad list is as useful because you’ve approached it as a man.

1) Dalrock’s one line goes right to the heart of her feelings; it’s more intuitive.

2) Women are fundamentally impervious to checklists. A woman’s mental checklist is long (pro and con) not because it’s useful, but to make it useless. The worse the relationship (whether because he’s a bad boy, or because she’s a slut) the longer the list will be, because more justification noise is required to drown out the crying. The real list is only one point long, and there’s only two varieties.

A) I want to.

B) I don’t want to be alone.

When Cad comes along and she likes him, even if he ticks off a perfect 9 for 9 on the bad boy list, she’ll just turn it into a 99 point list. See? He’s not so bad

Dawn, however, managed to meld both systems.

 

  1. Telling you that you are the perfect woman
  2. Telling you you look sex as soon as you meet
  3. showing off to his friends
  4. sticking his tongue down your throat on the first date
  5. Parking somewhere on the way to dinner just to talk,then getting mad because you didn’t let him do ANYTHING

And Cane is right, we don’t see it until we have been hurt. A girl really needs Dad to be there to check a guy out and she needs to abide by his wishes regarding said guy. Dad will usually be able to tell if he is a cad

So,,, summarizing down: five tells.

  1. He is too good to be true. He has hidden all his negative issues.
  2. You feel wonderful
  3. He pushes things towards sex really fast.
  4. Your girlfriends want to steal him.
  5. Your Dad hates him.

Ladies, Dads are useful because they can pretty tell what is in that boy’s head./ It is what was in theirs. And we can spot con artists. Your Mum, however, can be conned.

And the reason not to go all the way is that you will lose any ability you have to judge.

 

 

 

 

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pukeko

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10 thoughts on “Tells for girls.”

  1. I probably should have been a bit more discerning in my comment, as I was referring specifically to character assessment checklists; judging people. Grocery lists are probably safe in their care.

    I’m cynical because I have daughters, and a wife, and all are terrible judges of character. If only the good guys were cooler…

  2. I don’t know if showing off to friends (unless he’s an obnoxious, loud, or shameless jackass) is necessarily a bad sign, nor is feeling wonderful, but such fast feelings have to be guarded very carefully.

  3. Well, yes it is… around moving things along too fast. Gentlemen do not tell.

    Besides, Deti and Dalrock deserve the credit. I just read the comments and edited them… leaving out the fight that was going on in that thread.

  4. Ohh, THAT kind of showing off. I thought you (and they) just meant showing off in general to friends. Yes, it is an ugly sign.

  5. Cane is right. Women are terrible judges of character.

    “If only the good guys were cooler…”

    It always works to be the kind of good guy who has the veneer of an asshole.

  6. I think your list is a good one. My husband however, has been an excellent husband (and is a devout mas as well thought neither of us were saved when we married) and failed two of the tests:

    1. He was not nervous when he talked to me or when he asked me out the first time. He is a confident man by nature. And yes, it meant that a lot of women went for him but he did go for them in return.

    2. My father hated him at first, mainly because he was too confident. My sisters all made terrible choices in husbands however, and as I was born 13 years after my next oldest sister, he was very protective. To this day I appreciate the way he kept me on a leash though I didn’t when I was a teenager. But now, He respects my husband a great deal and they have a deep affection for one another. It didn’t take long for that to happen, but I could have easily missed out on this amazing guy had a not given him a bit more time to prove himself after my father’s initial objections.

    The rest of the stuff? Spot on. And maybe even the two that didn’t apply to me.

    Great post, Chris.

  7. Elspeth, you and your husband are doing the safest thing… protecting your daughters (which includes your husband scaring off the useless ones).

    The list? Mileage will vary. But… older men and women can geneally spot the foolish and bad. Which is why we should advise our children.

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