How to win with Milo.

After reading about suicide — Yes, we have free agency not free will, for the call of the Almighty is irresistible — one needs a little light relief. The left needs to understand some things to win: Logic, decency, truth and beauty will do for starters.

So, as a public service, Milo gave a tutorial. Comments are mine.

Here comes my guide to winning — a strategy I know you won’t follow. But when the Milo army inevitably wipes social justice warriors off the face of the planet, I’ll at least be able to say I gave you a fighting chance.

1) Don’t act like a rabid animal

If you’re going to rush into the event venue with red paint dripping down your face, making shrieking noises in an attempt to drown me out, I will win. Thanks to your bizarre antics at Rutgers, the attention of the world’s media was drawn to me and my message. Much like violence at Trump rallies (probably committed by the same people), your wild-eyed exploits only grows my army and gives me attention.

The trouble with demonstrations are that they are a form of rhetoric that is designed to engender an emotional response. Fear works. Pity works better. Anger will do in a pinch.

But disgust leads to the a lack of care. The train is fine.

2) Do your homework

The most significant handicap for progressives is that they often don’t understand their own positions. If you’re going to challenge me, make sure you understand your own argument. I have no problem making you look foolish for being unprepared.

I sympathise with the fact that nothing triggers Gender Studies activists more than actually studying, but reading and understanding data is critical, regardless of what your Marxist professor taught you.

Emotionally-charged positions are usually the easiest for me to dismantle, so leave your emotions at the door. You need to challenge me with substantive and rational arguments if you want a chance to come out on top. Your emotions serve you no purpose in our debate. (Apart from amusing me — which shouldn’t be discounted.)

Basically, I don’t care about your feelings and neither does anyone else.

There is a thing called a library. It contains journals. If you have a university login, it is available on a laptop. Look up the original articles. Cite them properly. Zotero is your friend. In fact, Milo is your friend. Because he is akin to the professor from hell. He cares not a whit for your feelings but for the evidence.

So work out what Milo says that could be false and research it.

Hint: a blog is not a paper.

Second hint: The Huffington Post is a Blog. So is the New Amsterdam Slimes.

3) Stump me in the Q&A, not during my speech

Because I like to dedicate the largest portion of my events to questions from the audience, refrain from disruptions during my speech. The airhorns, chanting and yelling aren’t helping your cause as much as they are helping mine. If you want to challenge my positions, wait your turn like everyone else.

As Teddy Roosevelt almost said, speak softly but carry a big glittery stick of Truth wrapped in bitchy one-liners. I know quietly listening goes against every feminist bone in your body and big stick is a horrifically gauche anatomical analogy for a strong question, but… like I said, fuck your feelings.

Milo uses rhetoric. Dilute your term paper down to one question. Preferably under 20 words. Brevity has whatever is left of wit in this fallen age: Oscar Wilde used too much of it in his diary.

Here it will help if you are straight. Because then you don’t really care about what Milo thinks about you. So clobber him with a finely tuned cluebat. Or shut up.

You should be able to cite papers without looking at notes in the followup. Or you are…. unprepared.

4) Whichever side resorts to violence, intimidation or aggression, loses

My army never does this. They may be high-testosterone alphas, but they aren’t going to waste their energy on you.

Tautology, Milo. Do better next time.

5) Your University’s reputation is in your hands. Remember that

Remember that it’s not just you and your mates who acquire a negative reputation for your loony behaviour: it’s your university too. I’m sure some of your peers won’t be happy when you devalue their diplomas with infantile behaviour that only serves to increase the size of my army.

Alumni who pay for your Women’s Studies courses with their donations are going to think twice after seeing their alma mater mentioned as the locus of your anti-free speech antics. I mean, do you really want your dad asking you about me over Thanksgiving dinner?

I could go on, but that’s enough for you to work on. I’ve realised that if we are going to have anything approaching a fair chess match, I might have to move both sets of pieces. If you follow these simple suggestions, you may get closer to beating me than you thought possible.

Your university reputation matters. Not the virtue signalling, but the H-factor of the staff. (No. Go look it up. It is on google scholar. You should have an H factor, and you should know it). You won’t improve the university reputation by acting worse than the post football loss fraternity wakes. You get that reputation by decent behaviour and decent research.

While you still have access to that Library. Enjoy it.

For it won’t last.

Now, as an exercise for the advanced student, I suggest you challenge Milo’s homosexuality. Discuss how free agency and neuroanatomy interact. Consider the public health implications of promiscuity. Question if there is a rational libertarian position.

And then, you may be ready to argue with me. Because Milo is the Lord of Twitter, and Twitter is but a kindergarten. And when we become men, we put childish things aside.