The contractual role does not explain why a wife does the stuff — FYI I do have a cleaner for some life stuff here — but there is a huge value in a woman’s perspective, for they note things men don’t. You can raise kids solo, but they do better when raised by a Mom and Dad. That only works if the Mom was and is a wife first, and Dad was and is a husband first. Both roles have commands written about them: the male version is that we need to love our wives, and the female version is that she is not the one to be in control.

#1 our culture is obsessed with paid work
#2 our performance is evaluated – by our husbands at best or society at worst
#3 separating out the jobs that go with the role (especially for SAHM) and the role itself isn’t something most people do.

I tend to call my to-do list the chores. Today my chores are laundry and cooking and kitchen cleanup; errands; overseeing schoolwork and nagging the kids to complete it; taking the dog to the vet; etc.

Which chores I do daily varies – and generally speaking I’m the one who decides what gets done. The goal is that my husband works his tail off at work and comes home and never has to wonder if there will be a clean towel or tasty meal, that the bills get paid, that his children are safe and well-educated and well-loved.

Individual chores aren’t especially complex. Difficult sometimes, depending on the elbow grease required, but rarely complex. Balancing the chores and the kids and correctly prioritizing – now that’s more complicated. But that’s what SAHM *do*. If and when the kids aren’t home anymore and I have outside employment, my chore list will change, and so will the priority list.

So – being a mom isn’t a job, but the laundry kind of is. :p A sisyphean job. And my life is made up of myriad little jobs like that – so, I understand why people call being a mom a “job” instead of a “role”. Sloppy word choice. 🙂

Not sure what my “job” as a wife is, because I can’t imagine requiring pay to do any of them. (And other stuff, life stuff that you just have to do and we divvy up – hello, everyone has to do the life stuff. That’s only a job if you’re wealthy enough to hire a personal assistant).

So – sloppiness and #1 – we are obsessed with jobs and everyone wants one.