Chumps are invisible [quotage]

At work today we ended up discussing Marianne Faithful’s Hit. During the conversation my female colleagues talked about being trapped by children — and one said that the correct thing to do was to dump the husband. They laughed. I was silent.

I have to work with these people. And these people know I am divorced and raising kids. Does not matter: male == chump == invisible.

The respect deficiency in our culture has reached crisis levels.

I’ve discussed at length how men should treat women. I’ve written about the lessons I plan to teach my son; lessons about how he should love, honor, respect, serve, and protect the women in his life. Indeed, men need to respect women, and we, as men, are far from perfect in that regard.

Those posts — the ones where I call on us men to improve the way we treat women — tend to be very popular. They’re popular when I write them or when anyone writes them. Proclaim that women, mothers, and wives should be respected, and a chorus will shout ‘amen.’ Every day on Facebook brings us another viral post excoriating men and supporting women. I’ve written a few of them myself.

But I’ve noticed that the corollary – a message about the respect women must give men, a message challenging wives and encouraging husbands – isn’t quite so palatable for many people. Disrespect for men has become standard practice. That scene I witnessed was sad but unremarkable; we’ve all watched that kind of thing play out a thousand times over. Men are disrespected by their wives – they’re disrespected publicly, they’re disrespected privately, they’re disrespected and then told that they have no right to be upset about it because they aren’t worthy of respect in the first place.

Well, that led to some fun.

@xMissTanisa @BariLeia “dictate a woman’s sexual liberation” makes precisely zero sense. You’re simply parroting outmoded 1960’s rhetoric

— Matt Walsh (@MattWalshRadio) March 1, 2014

@BariLeia saying a woman “owns her sexuality” by displaying it for money is like saying a 2 yr old “owns his emotions” by throwing a tantrum

— Matt Walsh (@MattWalshRadio) March 1, 2014

I think he better go into the blogroll — but if he does that he’s going to be in either the ultra-reformed or the dark enlightenment and removed from polite society…

Dude, unless you’ve lived their experiences, you don’t get to critique. Shut up asshole. @MattWalshRadio @BariLeia

— annie edison ?? (@applextree) March 1, 2014

Let’s just say that Matt Walsh got a fair amount of hate for that one. But not all women are like that. For if you respect and love, you hope.

Expect them to stand up and be a leader. Expect them to be faithful (and forgive them when they try imperfectly). Expect them to work hard, and cheer them on when they do. Expect them to set goals—even some wild and crazy ones that they won’t quite be able to pull off—and help them try anyway. Expect them to get worn out and broken from time to time–and when they do, be there to remind them of their strengths.

Because this is the stuff respect is made of. You cannot respect a man if you expect nothing good from him. You can use him, you can pity him, but you can’t respect him.

And men need respect—it is what good relationships are built on. As Christians, we should never, never, never give up on good relationships. Imperfect, yes. Broken, at times. But able to be forgiven, restored, and rebuilt because that is the beauty of the grace God gives us to love and respect.

If you’ve been hurt in the past, I’m sorry. If the person who hurt you never asked forgiveness, I’m sorry. But don’t use this as an excuse to buy into Dave Barry’s pretend standard for men. It sounds funny—especially when he says it—and there may be a few immature men out there of whom it is true. And I suspect they hate it about themselves. I think there are very few men out there who truly don’t care at all.

Contempt, you see, has consequences. What men do is… disengage.

I read my Tweets. It seems the Oscars are tonight. Who knew? Thanks Anti-Dem blog, I guess. A lesbian who had a sitcom a couple decades ago took a picture; 2 million RTs. A lot of people it seems. Society is dying.

I read a newspaper article a friend sent me. It’s from the CBC. It seems tribalism is evil; ethnic nationalism moreso. I almost forgot. Thankfully, this one was at least written by an adult with a functioning brain and a basic grasp on reality. I read another article, this one was not. The mind revolts; I remember why I don’t read newspapers anymore.

I’m visiting family. The TV is on while we talk. Commercials come on. I haven’t seen one in months; it feels like a mental assault. The stupidity almost hurts. Do I really feel the brain cells dying or is that psychosomatic? Has anyone, ever, been even half that excited over an egg sandwich before in their life? Even more, I am insulted someone, someone with a degree and a six-figure job, thought I would actually believe somebody could get that excited. The actor’s every expression screams backpfeifengesicht, yet I would be the one to go to jail. There is no justice. Wait, if they’re making this commercial somebody must actually be convinced to buy an egg sandwich because of it; the mind reels away from the horror. Finally the pause in conversation ends; I can ignore the terror.

Now, many men are invisible to many women. Not all women: Not all women are like that. But the art is in finding those who compassion for the disabled, the poor, and the wisdom and discretion to deal with them.

One hint: you will not find this, or them, in the media, nor in the corridors of power.

UPDATE.

This is the song… Upper Middle Class Self Pity, one each.