Game or AntiGame (Internet necromancy. Part of a series)

I have been having a little conversation with Alte about her old posts. If a person posts publicly on a current post, in my view their comments are fair game. But when someone takes their site private, I think that the author of such a site has some rights. At her request, I will not post any comments from her old sites.

For all of you, the wayback machine preserves what you said. Basically forever. What I want to do is edit down too sets of advice… one is current and one is a couple of years old. Both are aimed at men. The first set (Hat tip SSM) is from a recommended site for evangelical men:

If you want her libido to be at a high point tonight, take care of all the above… here’s what I suggest…

1. Let her know in advance.  Be playful about it.  And exercise tact.  Start in the morning by giving her a really tender and passionate kiss good bye (not deep, just passionate).  Tell her you wish you had time to kiss her more, but you have to go – let her know that you will be thinking about her all day long.
2. Send her a message via e-mail, cell text or IM chat.  Tell her you keep thinking about that kiss and how you look forward to seeing her tonight.  Tell her you cannot wait for the kids to go to bed.
3. When you get home, give her another passionate kiss hello.  Try to remove as much stress factors as you can.  Remember that stress drives the female libido into the dirt.  Clean up a little – do some dishes – and make sure she sees you doing it.  But don’t say a word unless she asks – then tell her you just want to make her evening a little more relaxed.
4. Spend some time outside just talking with her.  Try not to get on work subjects or home project subjects.  Sit close to her and hold her hand.  Listen to everything she has to say.
5. If you have kids, after they go to bed, keep the TV off – tell her you want to spend some time with her.  If she drinks wine, get a glass and invite her into the bedroom.  Chat, kiss, etc.  Don’t be pushy, take time and get her really warmed up.  After a bit, she’ll be taking you for a ride.

Note: remember – never have “expectations” – nothing is a sure bet.  She may have something else stressful going on in her head.  However, doing these things will bring her around eventually

The link is there, of course, to name the guilty. Almost every male at SSM’s place though this advice was rubbish, and thiss led to a fairly erudite discussion of the legitimacy of not following this advice. Until M3 piped up and spoke truth to our politeness.

All i can say is…HOLY F*CK*NSH**PSH*T… this guys advice is so horrid.. and i RECOGNIZE IT.. because it’s the same things my MARRIAGE COUNSELOR made me do. And i did everything she (yes my counselor was a she) tasked me with doing. And guess what.

I’m not married anymore. Everything was based on being more supplicating, more attentive, more accommodating, more deferring. I can see why my wife gave up. Knowing what i know now, i’d have blasted both the counselor and my wife at the same time, walked out, and told my wife she’d be free to move out the next day if she really felt no attraction towards me. That would seriously have got the ball rolling towards either taking back the reigns or killing it on my terms.

OK, and now for the contrast. I will edit this down a bit, but the blog is dead that the author is currently blogging a bit at Traditional Christianity.The author said that she is always truthful, and if you don’t like it don’t read it. The full version is long, and I commend it — while it is still up. But I will give you her ten points, without the elaboration.

How to Make Living With Your Wife Bearable

*ahem*

1. Accept that you are the Head of the Household. Deal with it, swallow it, get over it. No, God doesn’t grant exceptions: you married her, you lead her, no excuses. Men who complain about such a thing remind me of women who complain about having to raise their children.
2. Don’t put her on a pedestal and then complain when she wobbles. She is not a goddess, she is not better than you, she’s just got two X-chromosomes and a womb. She’s a very real person, and like most real people, she does stupid stuff occasionally. Expect that and it won’t seem so shocking when it happens.
3. Do not allow her to nag you. Ever. Never, ever, ever. Ad infinitum. Forever and ever. At all. Every time you allow her to nag, a little bit of the few scraps of respect she has left for you dies. It sort of sloughs off, like dead skin cells. It’s very ugly, and you will regret it if you don’t nip the problem in the bud immediately. She will become completely hideous to you later, if you do not prevent the decay now.
4. Do not lie to her. Lying is something someone does because they are afraid to tell the truth, and every lie she catches you in will make her trust and respect you less. What are you afraid of? You are the Head of the Household (see #1).
5. Don’t act like a Neanderthal. She’s your wife, not your slave. It’s alright to order her around a bit, or to be curt, but be gracious. Don’t talk down to her as if she’s stupid, or insult her.
6. If she asks you for your advice, give her some. If she asks you for advice, your opinion, or “reports” to you (Honey, I finished all the laundry!) she’s trying to be submissive or is looking for your approval. Don’t shoot her down with a “Whatever.” or “I don’t care.” You will make her day if you tell her you’d prefer the aquamarine over the sea-green paint. Little pleasures can go a long way. But if she starts pestering you constantly, she’s just being an attention-whore.
7. Don’t feed her hysterics. Nothing results in a domestic-violence incident as fast as feminine hysterics. You know what I’m talking about: she gets all worked up about something, chases you through the house, screams at you, throws things, etc. Even if it’s never happened to you, you probably know of someone who’s had it happen. Nip this sort of thing in the bud ASAP. Don’t let it escalate and don’t attempt to reason with her. Talking to a crazy person will make you a crazy person.
8. Have sex with her. It’s a simple, but difficult truth: if your wife isn’t having sex with you, it’s either because she’s having sex with someone else, or because she thinks you’re a chump and you’ll put up with it. Eventually, she’ll get so disgusted at your chumpiness that she’ll go on a hunt for a less-chumpy man. She’ll shag him immediately, as her libido will increase — and her headache will decrease — instantaneously. You see, it’s not that she’s not in the mood, it’s that you don’t turn her on.So have sex with her. If she refuses, make her sleep on the couch. You are the Head of the Household. It is your house, your bed, and you get to decide who sleeps in it.
9. Manage expectations. Happy people are those whose expectations are met. Keep the expectations low, and when you meet them, she’ll be ecstatic.
10. Point out when she’s wrong. One of your responsibilities as Head of Household is to help keep her in line. If she’s acting lazy, getting fat, being rude, dressing frumpy, or cooking gross food… point it out. You are the only one in a position to say something, and if you don’t, nobody will, and you will have to eat Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese for the rest of your days while looking at her in comfy-clothes.

Now, the question for discussion — either here, or at SSM’s or at the Traditional Christianity Hulu site — is (a) which is the more biblical list (b) is this game or just being male (and is there a difference and (c) which list is attractive and which is repulsive (Ladies mainly on the last point, please).
The topic is not who wrote it, but which set of ideas are better. Game or anti Game.