The original article that this comment is based on was written by Aunt Haley. It is well worth reading: on a good day Haley is superb. There is a meme out there that love has to be unconitional. Haley (from the comments):

(1) The cultural “women deserve to be loved no matter what” meme. Remember, women are usually better than men, who only hold their exalted place in society due to oppressive patriarchy; therefore, a woman with pride in her femininity should never settle for less than all-consuming love from her spouse.

This is a form of idolatry. The first command is to Love the LORD — with our heart, our soul, with everything. We are told to seek his kingdom. We are this world to do good. Good couples know this and work as a team to get things done — from raising kids to helping others.

(2) Christian doctrine that marriage is for life. Most girls raised in the church, especially if they marry young, believe in “one and done.” And marriage means unconditional love except if between homosexuals.

Marriage is a covenant. All the Biblical covenants have conditions attached to them. You promise to care for… in sickness, health, better and worse, to honour and worship her physically… and she does the same. In this fallen world infidelity, abuse and abandonment happen. You have a duty to do what it takes to prevent these things. This may mean you are hitting the gym, being more assertive or assertively stating that the other has to have input on this decision. I regret that I was not as assertive in my marriage as I am now. I put up with too much nagging… and reaped contempt. And that changed the woman I loved, and the hurt did not affect me alone, but our children and our families.

Marriage is a high and holy covenant, because the stakes involved are too high to relate only to our personal fulfilment In the current family law environment, this approach is subversive. But the church, in this time, has to be subversive.

(3) The Christian doctrine that a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Since God’s love is unconditional, therefore the husband’s love for the wife should be as well. Furthermore, if nothing (neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation) can separate you from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord, then husbands are basically SOL if they dare not to love their wives quite as unconditionally. Women who subscribe to the “Jesus is the ultimate lover of my soul” line of thought are probably are the most susceptible to this.

Man are fallen. And Jesus called many women to account. He did not tolerate their excuses. Ladies, if you are married,  you have covenanted to give your romantic and sexual love to a fallen and broken male. Not to Jesus: if you want to do that, the Nunnery door is open.

To add a fourth reason, I think church girls cling to this belief because of personal insecurities – they strive to reject “the world,” but all of the pressures of living up to “the world’s standard of beauty” and other sexual expectations forced on them by “the world” make them scared that their world-tainted husbands will leave them for not living up to secular standards.

via No, thou shalt not let thyself go. « Haley’s Halo.

Women in the church are fed a lot of rubbish. The “nice guys” in church are fed a similar amount of rubbish.

The Puritan position was much more earthy. Let us marry, wisely, well, and then support each other: no marriage is perfect, for no man or woman is perfect. The older women encouraged the younger women neither to stray nor eat that third bagel. The older men encouraged younger men to be strong, work hard, and budget well.  And… the Puritans were not against intercourse.

Ladies, you need to rethink covenants in the light of the other covenants we are aware of. God, who in the Deuteronomic recounting of the law, promised to bless Israel if they kept the law… later stated that he would divorce them.

Those who have been placed, by grace, in a forgiven state by Christ are under a lighter burden than those ancient Jews.  But we are commanded to do good. And the relationship is based on convenantal logic — paid for at great cost by Jesus himself. I should not need to remind you that Jesus is waiting for his bride: the church, forgiven, purged, holy and pure — at the end of this era.  That covenant is not for this time. In this time noting is pure and perfect. And all covenants have conditions.